Week 5 – Over The Hump!

What to say about week 5…hmmmmm…I guess the shortest and most accurate thing to say is it kicked my ass (in a good way of course). I don’t think I’ve ever felt so many different emotions in one day than I have during week 5. Apparently it’s known as the week when everyone gets angry. We were asked by the shuttle driver (also a teacher) if we were a bunch of “emotional nubs” after week 5. I hadn’t really thought of it that way until then. That’s probably a more accurate statement. Getting my ass kicked was/is just the beginning. But!!! There are so many good things I learned and I think being constantly pushed beyond your limits is the only way to learn them. They have jacked up the heat and humidity. I often feel like the proverbial frog in the pot of boiling water. I’m not sure how this happens but one of my classmates lost her dreadlock one morning. It just fell off, the whole thing. She was holding it in her hand, sorrowfully looking at it, wondering how on earth it escaped. Being pushed doesn’t just mean insanely hot classes either. People get pushed because no one has ever told them what to do, and now they have no control. It could be the frustration of having to go up in front of 40 people and recite dialogue, freshly memorized the night before or early that morning, sometimes two or three times in one day, and go through the rollercoaster of panic, fear, humility, relief, and elation. For so many of us it’s missing loved ones and friends, or even familiar faces from home. I’m not a betting man (even in Vegas) but I’d gamble everyone has emotions from their past, deep deep emotions, manifesting themselves in different ways, which have to be recognized under stressful conditions.

At the end of the week, I finally realized something that is a constant theme throughout life. Before, I’d said that everything one needs to be happy is within themselves. We don’t need other people or material items to be who we are, to be our best, or to succeed. The answer that came to me in class is, as I perceive it, that which is within us is that which allows us to love ourselves and be strong in our darkest moments. It came when I was in Sivasana after yet another class I’d labeled as “the hardest class I’ve ever had”. I’d felt this before after intense classes at my home studio. It’s an intense rush of energy throughout your entire body, it’s your life force, and it’s alive, vibrant. It’s been awakened and its giving energy back, feeding all parts of your body, spirit, and mind, taking you beyond where you were 90 minutes ago. It gets stronger every time and stays longer and longer as each day passes. The realization I had is that this energy is within all of us, always there, always available to us, we just don’t harness it. Yoga teaches us how to tap into it, hold onto it, ride the wave. I’ll go so far as to say once one learns to consistently access it anytime they want it can cure illness, depression, solve complex problems, open one’s heart and eyes to the multitude of wonderful things that were once deemed ugly. In fact, we do this now without realizing it. There is a book called “Anatomy of an Illness”. The author was diagnosed with cancer and given a short time to live. He goes out and buys a bunch of comedies and watches them to cheer himself up. He laughs and laughs and laughs. His cancer went into remission. Through positive thinking, he changed his condition. As Bikram says, “Mind over the matter.”

This week has not just been about us. In fact, I think it has been more about those who we will teach. By recognizing our own pain on so many levels, we can be compassionate about the pain of others. We have all been falling apart. Break downs in class and posture clinic as the layers are peeled away and we see who we are, good and bad. Each class and each posture clinic it becomes more and more evident. We finished the standing series this week. As we blaze through the dialogue the focus is less on “us” being perfect and getting stuck in our head, and more on the people we are teaching and giving them the best experience possible, while encouraging them to push beyond their edge over and over. The mantra in posture clinic is, “It’s not about you, it’s about them.” That includes the days we walk in there feeling like crap, emotional, wrestling with ourselves, sore from class, frustrated, pissed off, weak, lacking confidence, or just plain blah. Rather than focus on how bad that makes us feel, we’re being taught to make these feelings our ally and use them to give life to our dialogue and class so we can share energy with our students. It’s a pretty amazing thing. I experienced it Thursday. I had said Triangle and Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee the day before. I had just studied Tree Pose and Toe Stand that night, had only practiced it once with a body, and was not confident about reciting it in front of everyone. Our panel of teachers that day was particularly tough. I was very intimidated by them. I didn’t want to go up in front of them for fear of being ripped apart. Something inside me said, “F!@# it! Just do it. You’ve got nothing to lose. When you get home, the people you teach don’t care if what you say is perfect. They aren’t going to clap for you. There isn’t going to be a support structure of 300 people there to back you up. It’s the real deal. They are paying and they expect you to deliver, so you better get used to the pressure, or at least learn not to be afraid of it.” As soon as I walked out and announced myself I was told I introduced myself incorrectly and to go back and try it again. I repeated this three times until I got it right. You know what? It helped me get my shit together. Coming into the class the right way sets a tone and you want your students to know you have it handled. I said both postures and as I awaited my fate the posture clinic leader said he enjoyed it. He wished he had feedback to give me, but there was really nothing he had to say. I was astonished, giddy, overwhelmed. It made my day. I had a similar experience on Monday night when we recited Balancing Stick. That evening we were in the lecture hall (tent). There is a stage and we recite dialogue with a headset. It’s a bit more nerve racking than being crammed into a hotel room with no stage or headset. I was second in line and who walks in? Bikram. Not just Bikram, but his right-hand man and woman (Minali and Dom) and a whole contingent of well dressed Indian people. He had talked about some famous Bollywod actors and directors coming to visit from India. For all I know it was them or visiting dignitaries. I got up there and stumbled my way through the introduction of the posture. The leader made me stop, take a breath, and start over. I did and as I got to the meat of the posture where you have to get very intense I went all out and gave it everything I had. Bikram’s response? He walked over, looked under my shorts, and said, “Yup boss, they’re still there.” I was told later by the posture clinic leader that Bikram told him he liked it and that’s the way the posture should be delivered. I was overwhelmed with joy and proud of myself.

Through all this I’ve learned something invaluable. No matter how you feel, you can take that energy, good or bad, and use it to do good. You have to make that choice though. Teaching Bikram Yoga enables one to give back to many by sharing of themselves no matter what the conditions. I know this is easy to say in hindsight. I also believe through practice it can become a good habit and positive characteristic. I don’t think I could harness this energy in the same positive, nurturing way sitting in a cubicle. That doesn’t mean I can’t do a good job sitting in cubicle while getting bombarded from ten different directions. It means that environment doesn’t welcome one to use their energy to the fullest because they are constantly fighting to maintain their energy to keep their head above water. Sometimes we must do what we have to do to survive and so be it. Personally, given the choice, I’d rather have people yelling at me and giving me the stink eye because I am pushing them in class. All of us who practice Bikram know in the back of our mind what we’re doing is good for us and if someone was not there to push us, we wouldn’t have as much faith to cross our comfort zone. How you try, struggle, and persevere in class is a direct correlation t how you will try, struggle, and persevere outside of class. If you don’t believe me, take one class, keep coming back, and watch how things change. If I had the funds, I would open a studio and charge nothing so that everyone can be encouraged to have this experience. Who knows, anything is possible. It very well may happen sooner than I think.

Dr. Mani Bhaumik, inventer of the world’s first excimer laser (now used for lasik) came and gave us an interesting talk about quantum physics and yoga. The guy is brilliant. He took the complex subject of quantum physics and simplified it so we can understand it, then intertwined it with karma yoga. It’s such a shame we only got 90 minutes of his time. I could have listened to him talk all day long. If you’re wondering how on earth quantum physics and yoga relate, let me throw out some tidbits from the lecture. Think of these both scientifically and philosophically.

- Everything in this universe comes from one single source.
- Everything looks so different but made of fundamentally two different particles.
- We’re held together by something more abstract, fields for example. Gravity holds us down, it’s abstract but real, we go along in our daily lives without thinking of its existence.
- Consciousness is like a field and we are tuners. Our brain tunes to a frequency, we can hear music or see a picture.
- When our mind is in tune, focused like a laser beam, then it can heal.
- Trying to find the truth? Don’t go to the person who has found the truth, go to the person who is still seeking the truth.

Speaking of Karma Yoga… We went out to a great Indian restaurant called Namaste very close to the Hilton. It’s hard to get around in Vegas without a car. There are plenty of taxis, but it’s not like NYC. We called a taxi and were waiting for a good 30 minutes. Finally the restaurant owner pulled up, let us all cram into his car, and he drove us back to the hotel. We tried to give him some gas money but he refused. I am so grateful for his kindness. We probably would have been waiting out there all night, or worse, had to have walked back. If you’re ever in Vegas, check them out. They have awesome mango lassis and great food.

We’ve had a lot of great visiting teachers this week. Unfortunately, I don’t remember all of their names. Of course, Diane Ducharme is a name I won’t forget. She taught two really great classes. Thursday night we had an intense and wonderful class with Jenna, a teacher from San Francisco. Friday morning’s class was one of the hardest classes I’ve had in awhile, possibly in the top three of classes as far as struggle and anguish goes. I woke up not feeling like going to class. My physical and mental gas tanks were empty, nothing but fumes if that. The class was brutally hot, the floor was burning my ass like I had eaten spicy Mexican food and had diarrhea. I was in a particularly hot area right by the podium where there is some dead air. Oddly enough, I thought I might get a little breeze there. I was wrong. It was kind of weird, the one thing that kept me going was being able to look into my own eyes. In doing so I was better able to visibly see I am fine and mentally reaffirm more solidly I am strong and I can keep going. The look I gave myself was one of “don’t quit, you can do this, just keep going, it will pass”. There is always a silver lining. Call it luck, call it serendipity, call it chance. I think Ganesh likes Hershey’s Krackle bars. You heard me, that’s right, Ganesh is a chocoholic. In posture clinic Friday afternoon someone gave me a bite size Krackle bar. I have a miniature lapis Ganesh statue I brought that sits next to me atop some books. I set the Krackle bar there, unknowingly. That night, there was a film crew from France in class. Bikram not only taught a powerful, uplifting, gentle class, he gave us the night off. The energy in the room could have taken out the power grid in Las Vegas. I attribute it to my accidental offering of a Krackle bar to Ganesh. In reality, I know it’s part of the process, but I still maintain Ganesh was pleased with the chocolate I accidentally provided. The week ended wonderfully. Saturday morning class was taught by Misha, who is on the staff. It was one of the most kick ass classes we’ve had yet. Her dialogue is not just perfect, she can say it clearly and quickly, and still have time to add funny and witty jokes. She is the only teacher, besides Bikram, Rajashree, and Emmy, who got a standing ovation. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room. The applause lasted for a good five minutes, starting on the floor, then everyone standing, and clapping as she tried to leave the room, but couldn’t because everyone in her path stopped to hug her. Misha rocks! I’ve had her a few times for posture clinic. She is tough, but she has fun, and is encouraging. She brings out the best in people.