The Yoga Puddle

Week 9 and Beyond

2009-12-19T21:10:00.000-05:00

I've just now gotten the chance to put up my week 9 post - well over two weeks late. I also just got the chance to unpack, go through most of my mail, and finally feel a little bit like things are in order. My brain and body are still at teacher training. I miss it. All the teachers at my studio are indulging me with all my many teacher training/dialogue related jokes. All the ones we all found so funny in our punchy, sleep deprived, posture clinic brained states of mind within the Bikram Yoga bubble. One friend went so far as to celebrate by drinking Coca Cola and watching Bollywood movies after she taught her first class. We were warned there might be a touch of postpartum depression when we return. Things certainly feel different, although nothing here has changed, except for one big thing...me.

Week 9 was supposed to be the week we wind down, or up depending on who you talk to. It was a little bit easier in that we were usually in bed by 2 AM, or a little before that. Emmy and Rajashree returned which was great cause for celebration. Craig Villani came for the last few days, he taught two awesome classes. There was a demonstration of the advanced series which was awesome to see! I've done the advanced series before and know how intense it is. I can't do half the postures, but just trying to do them can take great energy. The class moves at a very fast pace. These guys did it in one hour twenty-five minutes! That is FAST! And they were doing all the postures. To give you an idea how fast the advanced series moves, the beginner's standing series is done in about 25 minutes. There's very little resting or dialogue. You're in, you hold it, you're out, onto the next posture. Bikram was running around having a good time. Emmy yelled at him, reminding him it was class and not social hour. Emmy leads the advanced practice next to Bikram. She has a wicked practice.

We thought we were all done with posture clinic. Not so. I don't think they knew what to do with us, so we had two more afternoons of posture clinic where we went over our introduction and Pranayama Deep Breathing. Then we started to string postures together and to present them. I think most of us just wanted to veg out during a lecture and be done with the nerve-racking and nail biting of posture clinic. I don't think anyone was ungrateful for the opportunity to test the waters and get feedback, we were just very tired and anxious for the end. I missed my girlfriend and family very much and wanted to get back to them as quickly as possible. I was also very excited and nervous about teaching my first class. The evening lectures were with Bikram and revolved around each of the 26 postures, their medical benefits, how to teach them correctly, and things we might see in class. Bikram also called people up to give a demonstration. He asked people who did a posture well and people who had problems with a posture so he could correct them. If someone was really flexible in a posture like bow pose, he would lift them off the floor. It didn't phase the people demonstrating one bit. The most fun had to be Head to Knee with Stretching. When we got to Stretching Pose, he stood on everyone's back to try and get them to stretch more. In one or two instances he called someone from the training who was big to stand on the back of a lucky individual who could barely bend forward. Bikram is a just man though. He allowed that lucky soul to respond in kind by standing on the other person's back when it was their turn. Good fun had by all =)

Just as interesting, but much more serious, entertaining nevertheless, were Craig's lectures about himself, Bikram Yoga, the eight limbs or paths of yoga, teaching, being a good student, and generally anything that we might be able to add to our tool box as teachers. He can talk, non-stop, and digress, as well, if not better, than Bikram. Craig travels frequently and he has this down to a science. I had a master class with him about a year ago. I was scared shitless, I'd heard of what his classes were like in Acapulco. Granted, he taught a 2 hour and 30 minute class that day, but we weren't suffocating, and we were given ample time to rest so he could demonstrate and give us tips. Not quite the same in training, much less resting, if any at all, but still a powerful class. Craig has great energy, his words are precise, his classes mirror what he teaches us to be when we teach. Having taught several classes now, it's clear it will take time to get to where Craig is as a teacher. I'm speaking common sense here, but don't take me as being naive. When he speaks, it's so effortless, so lucid, you feel like you can run out and teach like that as soon as class is over.

The final class rocked!!! I would do that class over one million times. It was pretty funny, Bikram called out someone who was not a teacher. "Miss red! What the #$%& you doing? You've been here nine
weeks and still you're bending your knee (standing separate leg forehead to knee pose)." To be fair, she was in the third row, where the teacher trainees should be, not in the back of the room. No biggie, but that's the price you'll pay if you're practicing with a room full of 300 soon to be Bikram Yoga teachers. That day, I think the room had to be well over 400 people. The energy was explosive. No one laid down for final Sivasana. "Pyar Karo" was blaring in the speakers, everyone was dancing, laughing, hugging, crying, astonished it was finally over. I took a ton of pictures with my roommate's camera. I didn't get a chance to get them on my laptop before leaving. As soon as I get them, I will post a few of them. I think all 300 people got the opportunity to say goodbye to one another after the last class.

I almost forgot about the try-outs for the demonstration. I didn't get picked, but I almost made it to the end before he chose the final group for graduation. I was pretty tired, he had us holding standing head to knee, standing bow, awkward, and hands to feet pose forever. I was tagged out during the third or fourth round of balancing stick. Lynn always tells us Bikram will only tell us what we need to know and
he won't give us anything we can't handle. I was a bit disappointed I didn't make the cut, but I was so relieved because after every class those who were chosen stayed to practice for "20 minutes" in Indian
Standard Time that's almost an hour. They had to practice Saturday morning too. I was thankful to have Saturday off, not just so I could sleep in, but also because I had nothing nice for graduation.

I left all my nice clothes (work clothes) at home, on purpose. I didn't think I would need anything fancy shmancy. I ended up going to the outlets and buying something semi fancy shamncy. I couldn't go to graduation in a sweater and jeans. Some people did, but they are people who can pull that off and look good doing it. Graduation started with some prayers and chanting, then an audio clip of Bikram's guru Bishnu Ghosh speaking to a Japanese audience, then things really got rolling with Elvis's Viva Las Vegas as Bikram made his entrance with two showgirls in full head dress. I guess one could consider that
a spiritual experience in its own funny way. Bikram gave two lectures, one for the folks who were visiting, and the second for us, as teachers. Those who were visiting got a taste of our many lectures with Bikram, the different quarters of our life, how we're stuck in the second quarter but we're all a bunch of lost souls because we never lived the first quarter. The talk on Karma Yoga, yoga is everything, the many parables of Lord Krishna. To us, it made sense, to everyone else, it may have all been for naught. Graduation reminded me of the State of the Union Address, that is if you're on the winning
side. Every time someone from staff, a teacher, or fellow trainee went up on stage, even if it was the same person and they had been up there five times, we all got up and clapped, then we'd sit down for a few seconds, and get up and clap again. By the time people were finally getting their diplomas, my hands were hurting. Let me just say I'm glad my last name is in the middle of the alphabet. By the time they got to P the room was getting loud, people were walking around hugging, talking, getting pictures. Some people left to get coffee and came back, others left and didn't come back at all. We were all freezing, the room was very cold, and hungry.

We seem to have had a little bit of a positive effect on the hotel staff. The head of food and beverage got up and quickly shared a 30 second spiritual message with the room. We all stood up and clapped.
Dinner was very fancy. Similar to Thanksgiving the soundtrack for the evening was "Bikram Love" and "Bikram Lounge". Somehow, it worked, quite well. I was at a table with the original gang from the beginning of training. We had a few seats left. A friend and newly inducted teacher saved three seats and came back with an entire family. The math was way off. I donated my seat to their nine-year-old daughter so she wouldn't have to sit on her father's lap the whole time. I moved one table over with all Asian, mostly Japanese, women. Chu, a short, powerful, and flexible woman who is sixty six years young, who won the Bengali Tiger Strength award, reminded me with her big smile just how lucky I was to be sitting at a table with all "oriental women". Everyone looked at me and smiled. I'm sure I turned red. We had fun, shared stories about training, talked about what we were going to do when we got back. Dinner was very nice, unless you're a vegetarian. First course - salad with shrimp (manageable for vegetarians); Second course - lemon sherbet (again manageable); Third course – filet mignon and sea bass (uhhhhhhh, not so manageable); Fourth Course - Multiple deserts made from or dipped in chocolate. I liked it quite well. I had not had filet mignon in well over a year, maybe two years. Others didn't quite agree. The family of five, who I'm pretty sure were vegetarian, got up and disappeared for maybe 30 minutes. My friends kept looking back at me bottom lip sticking out, shrugging their shoulders, perplexed at what was happening. It all became clear when they returned and the little ones were eating out of their Pizza Hut boxes. In all fairness, if you're hungry, and vegetarian, there aren't many choices as far as grabbing a quick bite of anything with substance to it. A lot of people went to an after party that was at The Playboy Club at The Palms. The party was for all yogis/yoginis of all traditions in Las Vegas. I spent the rest of the night packing and managed to watch 30 minutes of Saturday Night Live. I haven't seen it in years. It was pretty funny. I remember thinking it wasn't that funny many years ago. I had a nice, quick, uneventful flight home. I studied Pranayama Deep Breathing the whole way. I actually felt very fortunate to have the dialogue with me. The in flight movie was awful and the two girls next to me kept talking about all the clubs they went to, what they liked, what they didn't like, who was rude, who was hot. For some people enlightenment comes in the form of killing yourself every day for 90 minutes in a hot room. For others, it's the champagne, VIP seating, and five star cuisine. I'm not judging, only observing the many different realities that are out there. It was my first integration back into what many people like to refer to as "normal life".

I was able to get two days of rest before teaching. I went back to class immediately at the request of my studio owners. Remember the whole postpartum depression thing I was talking about? Going to class every day and being around teachers who are over the whole teacher training thing (I think) really help with reintroducing one's self to regular everyday life. If you're in a big city like NYC, it might be a little easier because there is so much activity going on around you. Granted, your patience is tested more frequently, but I've heard friends talk of boredom and deafening silence. Guys, come to NYC for a bit, it will all be good.

My first class was Wednesday at noon. There were three students and five teachers. I got up there and thought I was going to faint. Not from heat or lack of sleep or lack of food. I got up there, started saying Awkward and thought, "Oh my God, I have to do this for 90 minutes. How the hell am I going to stand up here and spit out 90 minutes of dialogue, while keeping everyone engaged." Then I quickly got out of my head and said, "Dude, think of it like class, one posture at a time, do the best you can, try your hardest, no judgment, no expectation." I made it and finished the class on time without anyone passing out, myself included. I forgot to go immediately into the second set of eagle. I tried to make everyone do Tree Pose two sets, both sides. I forgot most of the dialogue for Cobra Pose
(remember, I had a hard time with that one). I didn't count down for final breathing and half the class was still breathing when I was trying to start the second set. A couple funny things I was heard saying:

"Touch your forehead between the floor."
"Kick your leg back so your shoulders are completely invisible behind
each other."

I took class at 6 PM and then filled in for someone at 8 PM. My girlfriend, roommate from training, and my good friend Simon came to take my class. There were a few other friends and fellow yogis who showed up for the class, unaware I was teaching. There was a lot of great energy in the room. I taught a pretty good class. I was happy with it and I would chalk that up as one of the best days of my life. We celebrated afterward with a nice dinner and I got to sleep in the next day. Sleep!!! This is so important. I am still trying to catch up on sleep, but quickly starting to learn there is no such thing. As a new teacher you teach when you can, where you can, as much as you can. It's all about learning, not just how to say the dialogue, but how to connect with each student on an individual and universal level. I am very lucky to work for studio owners who believe in mentoring their new teachers and treating them like family. The whole atmosphere at both of their studios between teachers and students is one of family. All the feedback I've received has been constructive, digestible, and supportive. So many times in posture clinic we would get feedback that was cryptic. I'm sure it's easier for studio owners to give advice to people whom they know well. I am very fortunate and lucky to be teaching at my home studio, learning from many wonderful people. I've taught seven classes so far and every class I see just how much work it takes to be a good teacher. I also see the rewards of teaching. One good example is the January issue of Opera's magazine has part one of a two part story about a woman who did a 60 day challenge and how it changed her life. We're starting to get calls from people wanting to know how much our packages are for a 60 day challenge. I can't wait to meet the many new students out there and to help them get started on transforming their lives. This is where the real yoga begins!

I’ll try to write a few more posts for people who are thinking of going to training in Spring and also to chronicle a bit of life after teacher training.

Thanks again to everyone who posted comments! They really helped keep me going. And guess what? I know I’m home for sure. I saw our beloved Jersey City Huggy Bear in the PATH station the other day! Dressed like a Bengal Tiger! Peace everyone =)

Week 8 – Starting From Scratch

2009-11-29T23:42:00.008-05:00

Thanksgiving Jam Session

Greg (rommate), Sean (neighbor), Me

Mahabharat

Practicing Trikanasana for graduation

Me, Joe, and Melanie before group dinner

Full Locust!!!

You can mess with the gods, but you can't mess with your knees or Minali

Mike Winter, Misha Soltis, and Lynn Whitlow (life savers, all three of them)

Group 9!!!! WooHoo!!! The fire truck is a prop for the group that is fire proof =)

Practicing for graduation. Standing Head to Knee.

Camel Pose for graduation. I'm next to Eric, the guy in the tiger shorts.

Big Dom!!!

Bikram and his Coca Cola

Wicked photo of the class doing awkward pose with boss!

I have no idea where Week 8 went. It’s like it never even existed. I don’t have much to write. Thankfully Bennie Shapiro (fellow teacher trainee and yearbook photographer) posted some awesome pictures and so I am putting some of them up here. He has over 3,000 pictures, I can’t wait to see them all. Big ups to Bennie!

I got a wonderful surprise Monday afternoon when I got a message from my studio owners Troy and Aiko saying they were in Vegas! They couldn’t have come at a better time and I was so happy, elated, ecstatic, overwhelmed with joy to see them. Everyone I ran into told me how awesome they think they are. I couldn’t agree more. I’m lucky to have them as mentors when I get home. I didn’t have them for posture clinic, but I was able to say spine twist for them. I’m happy to say the final delivery in posture clinic blew away my practice runs. Someone recorded it, and I have it, but I’d rather not post it. The cameraman turned it sideways and I’m horizontally vertical for most of the posture. It was great to practice with Troy and Aiko and pig out at the buffet. I also got to see Mochie who is from my studio in NYC, but has been out here in Vegas performing in The Lion King. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a chance to see any shows or do any sightseeing. I wanted to see both The Lion King and Jersey Boys.

Posture clinic finished this week. It was interesting. Some of us were given distractions and we had to give corrections. It takes your mind off the dialogue, but you still need to know the dialogue to keep moving. We have some pretty creative people in our groups when they give distractions. When I was a distraction I would just do the postures like I did when I first started. Sometimes I would get a bit crazy if I knew the person. For instance, in rabbit, when they say to lift your hips all the way up, well…I lifted them all the way up. That meant I had to stand on my tippy toes to do that though =) Karma is a bitch. I got a taste of my own medicine in Head to Knee and Stretching pose. They added about five more bodies, people were doing the posture the wrong way, falling over, one group member kept complaining about the heat, people were talking to each other. Hahahahahaha, it was pretty entertaining and from what I understand not too far off from a real class. The lesson I learned was how to pick and choose battles. One thing that made me feel good is I helped someone get their grip for head to knee pose. I worked with them for a few seconds and without realizing it, I said “good”. It was one of my kudos during feedback. Apparently I was also moving around the podium a bit and fell off a few times. We use towels for a podium and I must have stepped off the towels. We have a tiny podium at my studio, so I need to be aware of that. It was the only time I’ve been told that, so I’m guessing all the distractions were a little overwhelming, I just didn’t realize it.

We enjoyed lots of Mahabharat this week until the wee hours of the morning. I still haven’t learned to accept sleep deprivation. Bikram lost his voice on Tuesday, but he was able to teach class on Wednesday. He didn’t like the class he taught, I thought it was great. We had a great lecture from Lynn Whitlow about being a teacher and all the things we might experience in class. I know she didn’t get to everything, but I think she got most of them. I didn’t stop taking notes the entire time. She is a wealth of knowledge and can communicate it in a way that keeps your attention and makes sense. There are a lot of people here who want to mentor with her. Only a few lucky people will be chosen. The best class this week was Dom’s class. Dom is on staff and we have all been waiting for him to teach. He took Bikram’s slot Friday night. He rocked the house. It was the best class I’ve had, I killed myself and I liked it. We had an interesting lecture Friday night with the staff and they all told their story of how they found Bikram Yoga. All the stories were interesting and inspiring. Dom had an interesting side story. He used to play in different bands back in England. He was always playing with the same two or three people. Eventually he was in a band and they started playing more and more venues, bigger venues. At some point he left. The band changed their name later. They’re now known as Coldplay. Dom rocked it out on the harmonica and piano Thanksgiving night. Bikram had a wonderful banquet for all of us. The spread was awesome, the food was delicious. We were told we weren’t going to have a talent show because of something that happened during the talent show in the previous training. We were spared and had an impromptu show that provided entertainment for the evening. Dom stole the show along with fellow teacher trainee Mike who is a bar musician. He performed on the radio once and signed up for a raffle they were having. One of the prizes was a week of free Bikram Yoga. He took that as the prize and ta daaaaa, now he’s at teacher training. Pretty cool stuff. He’s also a killer musician and can make up a rap off the top of his head. We had a lot of people singing and playing instruments. Speaking of good karma, there just so happened to have a baby grand in the ballroom, which allowed for an impromptu jam at the end of dinner. It was a good time. Bikram and Rajashree both called to wish us happy Thanksgiving.

So we’re onto the final week, week 9. I’ve decided to audition (I guess you could call it that) for the demonstration during graduation. Bikram will pick which of the volunteers he wants to demonstrate, but I decided to give it a go since they need more guys. We go through it for about 15 minutes after class. The pace is fast and it’s pretty intense. It reminds me of advanced class. I like it. He’ll pick the finalists Monday night after class. Lock the knee! Lock the knee! Lock the knee! Touch your thumbs to your forehead! Touch your thumbs to your forehead! Touch your thumbs to your forehead!

The weekend was pretty good too I must say. Saturday night was another group dinner. We had a blast! Today I finally had a massage. Eight whole weeks and every weekend I said I was going to get a massage. And every weekend I never found the time. Finally, at long last, I had a one hour deep tissue massage. I’ve had massages in the past, just to relax. This one was different. I can feel things opening and moving. It’s not just to feel relaxed, trust me I do, going forward it’s to maintain a healthy body with my Bikram Yoga practice. I made some good friends and will miss them. I’ll miss the training too, I know I will. There are some parts I don’t think I would do over, at least not where I am now, but I think eventually, in the future, once my skeletal system (the bone joints) has improved I will think differently =)

We’re being called teachers now. We’re no longer students or trainees. We’re now going to be examples for students. That’s an honor and also a big responsibility. I can’t wait to teach. Sure, I’m scared shitless, but I’m also excited at the amount of growth I will see all around me. I’m really interested to see if I will automatically regurgitate all 26 postures and 2 breathing exercises. I went through most of the standing series today from memory and only had to go over a couple postures. Here at training, we only memorize one side, one set. In a real class, you have to say both sides and have two sets. I know I’ll do fine and will improve, because I care, but the initial fear of that first class is unavoidable. I keep thinking about what one of the visiting teachers said. She had a hard time with dialogue and at the end of training she was talking to Craig Villani saying she didn’t think teaching was for her and she didn’t think she could do it. Craig asked her to promise him she would just teach one class. She did. Now she owns a studio. The first class is what it is. We start from scratch and go from there.

Thanks to everyone who has posted comments throughout training. I’m sorry I haven’t responded to you. Things are crazy on the weekends and I usually share my internet connection with other people.

Peace until next week. I will leave you with a quote a teacher shared with us in class. She wasn’t doing so hot and Bikram told her she looked like shit. She said “thanks boss” and he responded with this, “The lotus flower floats in shit. Then it blossoms.” Laugh, it’s funny, but it’s true too. The man knows how to get his point across.

Week – 7 Please Don’t Lose The Grip

2009-11-23T01:50:00.003-05:00

Jon Burras lecturing about fascia

Lisa Engle demonstrating turtle pose =-)

“Try imagining that everything and everyone originates in formless energy that you agree to call “Spirit,” and then envision Spirit as a creative force that uses contemplation to express itself in a material form. You are an individualized expression of that same contemplation, so you have the possibility of doing precisely the same thing.”

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer from “Excuses Begone!”

Week seven was a tough week. It started off great. I said fixed firm in posture clinic and at the last minute decided to say half tortoise after just memorizing it the night before. I somehow pulled it off and added a few lines from the additional dialogue. I was riding high. That same night I started to feel a cold coming on. I did everything I could to prevent it, the next day I had a head full of snot and couldn’t breathe. There is a nasty cold going around and it’s impervious to any remedies natural or synthetic. It starts in the head, then goes down to the chest, and then goes back to the head. Most people have it for about a week. Class wasn’t so bad once my sinuses got cleared up, but posture clinic was tough. I found it a challenge just to stand and speak. I blanked during the end of camel with one line, but took it all in stride. It’s funny, a lot of the people who have been doing well with dialogue are blanking and the people who were struggling are kicking ass. One person had a huge breakthrough when someone helped her memorize dialogue by turning it into a story with pictures. She is very artistic and now she draws the postures out like cartoons and can memorize them in 20 minutes. Unreal!!! We only have two postures to go. It will be a nice break not to constantly study dialogue. I know I will always be studying it as long as I teach, I don’t think it will be at the same intensity level.

Fighting a nasty cold, memorization, lectures, two classes a day, and already being drained and tired led to a bit of self realization. I think Jon Burras’s lectures opened a few doors as well. The pain of self realization sounds very much like a release of kundalini. Jon does quite a bit of bodywork and works a lot with fascia. He also does energy work and provided more inside into the chakras. Some of his ideologies caused friction among many yogis and yoginis. You see, Jon believes in the law of attraction. If you’ve seen “The Secret” you’ll be familiar with this concept. He takes it a bit further though. In a nutshell, he lectured that one’s persistent thoughts and musings attract and manifest their reality, good or bad. So for instance, everyone here at teacher training thought and dreamed of teaching Bikram Yoga, low and behold here we are. There was many a story to bolster this theory. Things took a turn for the worse when he said we’re responsible for everything that happens in our life. Literally, anything that happens, good or bad, is each individual’s responsibility. People posited questions about children starving in third world countries who don’t/can’t know what lies beyond their surroundings. John insists they attracted this and have the capability to change it. Many people shared sad, sometimes terrible, personal stories from their youth only to be told they manifested these events through their thoughts and actions. I can understand the law of attraction, but at some points it can be a hard pill to swallow. At the same time I know it’s easy to accept the theory when it’s beneficial and to reject it when it’s injurious. I guess the lesson is to always think positive. Nonetheless I thought there was going to be a rumble in the lecture hall. A lot of people were super pissed, others stood up to support John and his theory, others rolled their eyes and mumbled to themselves. One person added a particularly interesting explanation for the negative side of the law of attraction. She is Buddhist and said these events could be a result of karma from some wrongdoing an individual had done in a past life. All in all I found John’s lectures interesting and informative. I was especially intrigued by his view of addiction as being a relationship one has with a chemical, object, or emotion, rather than a chemical, object, or emotion having an uncontrollable stranglehold over our life. The idea of being addicted to emotion and having the same withdrawal symptoms as that of a drug was something worth pondering as well.

My moment of self realization came on Friday. I had spent all night Thursday unable to sleep and feverish. I felt like I was losing touch with reality when I left for class Friday. I made it through class and my nervous system seemed to be either realigning or was totally out of whack. I was full of fear and panic over nothing other than the full body experience associated with feeling fear and panic, which for me is plenty. Anyone who’s had the pleasure of experiencing a panic attack knows this feeling well. Here’s where things get interesting. I spoke with some people about how I was feeling and how terrified I was. The answer, don’t be afraid of your feelings, live fully in the moment in complete acceptance and relaxation. Easier said than done, but it will happen, and it did happen. Eventually it will get to the point where you either surrender or pass out because it becomes so overwhelming. It’s very much like the tough moments we have in our class. The difference is this feeling was with me for almost 24 hours and I found myself going back and forth with it in waves of intensity. It was incredibly tough and showed me exactly where I am weak and even where it all started.

I need to go back to Jon Burras for a second to explain the next part. Our bodies remember traumatic events and store them in memory. He explained our bodies being like the rings of a tree. As you go further and further inside, through yoga, meditation, and/or bodywork, you hit deeper emotional memories and scars. When you unearth a particularly deep and painful memory and release it, fasten your seatbelt. He explained emotional release quite well too. We don’t always experience emotions. We think we do, but the experience is in our mind and stops there. A child throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store is experiencing a full body emotion. He or she gets it out, and then life is peachy. As adults we’re taught to suppress emotions and so they get buried, leading to various types of illness. When I was seven or eight I practiced Tang Soo Do. I was pretty good at it. One day in class I had to go to the bathroom really bad, realllllllly bad. A lot of times when kids didn’t want to spar or practice forms they would make up an excuse to go to the bathroom. I wasn’t one of those kids, but I really had to go. The master refused. We were doing flying side kicks against heavy bags and it was doing a number on my guts. I begged to go to the bathroom, finally he let me go, but I had to do 50 push-ups on my knuckles when I returned. I did my thing and went back to practicing. Five minutes later, I had another wave of diarrhea and had to leave again. The master was really pissed that I dare ask to leave twice in one class. No was the answer. I couldn’t hold it and made the case it was in everyone’s best interest I be allowed to go. I was allowed, only after doing more push-ups on my knuckles. I came back and no sooner did I sit down I had to go again. This time the master simply told me to get out and not come back for the rest of class. He said it in such a way that made me feel I had done something wrong. The reason I had to go to the bathroom so much is because I had an intestinal virus. I was out of school for a few days because I could not hold my bowel movements. This was a traumatic event that I never learned to properly accept or understand. The next time I went to go back to class I freaked out and started crying. I got nervous beyond belief and felt sick, like I had diarrhea, I refused to go back to the studio. I now understand that I had a panic attack. I had similar occurrences much later in life when my body was physically and mentally weak. It’s my belief that I’m accepting and handling these feelings so the next time I face them it won’t be a problem. Fear and anxiety can be more painful than physical pain, especially if they are constant companions in life. Learning to let go is the best thing anyone can do, learning how to do it is the hard part, it’s possible though. I’ve learned it’s important to feel, by accepting feelings, rather than turning them off, not to be scared or ashamed of them, not to be so hard on myself, and to talk and write about my feelings. I am lucky to be able to do this here, in this community. Almost everywhere else in the world it would be considered unacceptable. Of course, there is a time and a place for everything. Making time for ourselves is something that’s often neglected and not realized until it’s too late.

For me, that was the week, a struggle beyond imagine. There was no escape. No hiding under the covers. Only face it head-on and get through to the other side. The week ended wonderfully. Friday night, at just the right time, we had an amazing meditation with Minali (Bikram’s right hand woman). She sang several mantras from the Bahagavad Gita. It was the quietest and most peaceful 300 people moving at one time I have ever seen. Not a soul said a word the whole way back. I was only able to find out one of the mantras she sang – the gayatri mantra. Said every morning, it brings healing and energy.

There’s one more thing I learned this week. I was not alone and it wasn’t just the Bikram community who provided support. My girlfriend was there the whole way doing all she could with the limited time we had to speak. I also received an inspirational card from my parents which meant the world. Throughout this blog I’ve neglected to thank them for their support, essentially taking it for granted. That type of support is not always available. I am thankful for it and appreciate it greatly. I love you for it and can’t wait to see you in two weeks.

Week 6 – You Can’t Even Blink Your Eyes

2009-11-15T19:59:00.010-05:00

747 taking off before posture clinic

Birthday Party at the Samosa Factory

Joseph and Courtney demonstrating Bow Pose

Joseph and Courtney demonstrating Standing Bow Pulling Pose

There was no week 5 post last week because I was immersed in memorizing and practicing cobra pose. I have had the hardest time memorizing this posture. I think it’s because it’s one of the toughest postures for me and so I blank out while I’m in it. This is one reason that was given to me and it sounds logical. I can recall so many of the details in the postures I like, because I am fully present in them.

I wasn’t sure what to say about Week 5, I have even less to say about Week 6, other than I’m glad to have made it through. The classes remained challenging throughout the week, we presented Wind Removing and the entire spine strengthening series in posture clinic, and Bikram had us up late, one night until 5 AM. The class the next morning was interesting to say the least. I don’t do well with sleep deprivation. I get cranky, emotional, punchy, just plain weird. I took the opportunity to reflect on why this is? It’s not the lack of sleep it’s how I feel. I’ve felt the same feelings with plenty of sleep. Maybe I’m a bit crazy, I’m sure I’ll sound crazy saying this, but I concluded that I was anticipating and expecting only negative outcomes whenever I feel anxiety, fear, or sadness. Granted, I was feeling these because my nervous system was out of whack from lack of sleep. However, I kept thinking, you can make these a positive, they don’t have to be negative feelings, they don’t have to mean impending doom and failure. I wouldn’t choose to constantly live off two hours of sleep a day, but I know I have it in me. Perhaps when I start teaching I will be inspired to start some other projects and my passion and energy for them will result in needing less sleep.

Despite my musings I found it challenging to stay awake in posture clinic and lectures. I did it, but it was a battle. Thankfully we had John Salvatore for one of the clinics. He is the funniest and most inspiring guy you could ever meet. I wanted so badly to go up and say locust pose for him, but there was a queue of people waiting to present the previous posture and only a couple people got to locust. Nonetheless, he did a great job of reminding us why teaching Bikram Yoga is such a wonderful thing, the best job anyone could ever have. It’s nice to be reminded of this because our minds are crammed with so many other things it can be easy to forget why we came here and what our intentions are. Thankfully, other teachers have been reminding us of how wonderful teaching Bikram Yoga is as well. There is a whole group of them here for recertification. They started rolling in Thursday night. I got a pleasant surprise when I saw Courtney from my studio. She is the national/international champion and is here presenting with Joseph Encinia. Two other teachers, Kristen and Maggie, from my studio are also here, getting recertified. It was so wonderful to see them. I was able to practice next to them Saturday morning and had a powerful and killer class with Rajashree. They treated me to a nice, yummy Indian buffet Sunday and have been giving me lots of words of support and wisdom. Thanks guys!

This week was supposed to be about release and last week anger. I don’t know if I agree with all that. I feel like all my emotions have been jumbled and no one emotion stands out over another. This is in hindsight of course. I didn’t shed a tear this week, last week I was crying like a baby. I guess it’s all subjective. We’ve been very lucky so far. All of the teachers we’ve had have been wonderful. We did get one teacher this week who I wasn’t fond of. The consensus seemed to be you either liked this teacher or you didn’t. Most of the people I spoke with were on the latter end of the spectrum. The room and the floor was really, super hot this particular class. People were sitting out after the first set of half moon. I didn’t feel any inspiration from the teacher. It’s as if it was all about them and not about us. I had to keep telling myself to focus on myself and my practice, and not to worry about the teacher, this didn’t work too well. It was a good lesson though. It taught me not everyone is going to like me as a teacher, no matter how well I try to teach a good class. I hate to sounds mean, and I feel bad in doing so, but I have to be truthful, I also learned what kind of teacher I don’t want to be. We’ve been in hotter classes and have had less casualties and people sitting out. Just because people are sitting out, throwing up, or passing out, doesn’t always mean you are doing them justice. It could also mean you’ve lost control by losing their attention, perhaps even their respect. This brings up an interesting point. I’ve heard, on more than one occasion, a visiting teacher tell us how easy we have it. It starts to sound like, “I had to walk uphill, both ways, in a blizzard, to my teacher training. You guys don’t know how easy you have it.” Maybe so, I wouldn’t know because this is the only teacher training I’ve attended. I’m guessing the experience isn't so fresh in some people's minds. Were they to repeat their teacher training experience with us would it still seem so easy? More importantly, is this a competition to brag about who had the most insanely hot classes, the strictest teachers, the hardest time or is it to learn to be a great yoga teacher, teach compassion to ourselves and others, and truly grasp what Bikram Yoga is. One’s experience is subjective anyway. It really is hard to say what one person will think is easy and another person will think is hard. I have no doubt trainings in the past were more intense. It just seems obnoxious to raise this to people going through the process because you don’t know what they might be feeling that moment.

We had a two part lecture from Rajashree about all the benefits of each posture. Both Courtney and Joseph demonstrated. I think the pictures say it all. They rock! While listening to Rajashree I had an interesting thought, dare I say an epiphany. I started to look at my body on a deep cellular level, beyond skin and bones. Feeling how all the glands, organs, and tissue work together with the help of oxygen and nutrients within the blood. I started to think, when things go wrong and we go to the doctor, they give us a pill and that changes our body on a cellular level to kill whatever is causing an ailment. There’s really no talk of preventative medicine or a permanent solution. It’s deemed medically impossible in some instances. Yet, there continues to be one testimonial after another about how yoga, in this particular case Bikram yoga, has ameliorated diabetes, scoliosis, and depression to name a few. How is this possible without a doctor or a pill? My theory is drugs make changes to the body, but they have side effects and are potentially unsafe because they are changing the chemical composition of the body. Yoga changes the body, but it’s natural, because nothing from the outside is being introduced, everything is changing within. It’s a natural biochemical change the body is making on its own, not one it’s forced to make or being tricked into making. It’s not my intention to start trouble, just something that crossed my mind and makes sense to me. It doesn’t mean I will never go to a doctor or rule out medication. I do prefer not to have things get to that point and have some level of confidence my body can and will heal itself as long as I am taking care of it.

We had lots and lots of birthdays this week. Everyone went out Saturday night to another awesome Indian restaurant “Samosa Factory”. The owners are wicked cool and both practice Bikram yoga. Rick took first place last year in the Nevada regionals. Right on! It was a fun night and they had Baba Ramdev playing. It’s kind of interesting to watch him do nauli while eating. Before that they had a movie Bikram should have us watch “Quick Gun Murugun”. I really enjoyed “Mughal-E-Azam” (in color) and “Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge” but this one looks like fun. No love story involved this time around. Pure action!

We start Week 7 and I am a bit nervous. I didn’t sleep at all last night, neither did my roommate. I still haven’t figured t out. I was pooped when I went to bed. My body feels like something is changing, preparing even, for what is to come. I know we’ll all make it through, but I can’t help but be nervous. It’s hard to tell what they’re going to throw at us one week to the next. It’s all good though. We’re all getting stronger. It’s showing in class and posture clinic. Especially posture clinic, people who were struggling are starting to rock it out big time. It’s so awesome to see. Everyone seems to be getting closer, the community is not as dispersed and is more tightly nit. We’re all looking out for one another, it’s a beautiful thing. And I think it might be rubbing off on anyone who is in our presence long enough. People just seem to lighten up and relax when they’re around us. We’ve already had one person come to class just by seeing the sign in the lobby. The more the merrier. Peace until next week!

Week 5 – Over The Hump!

2009-11-15T19:55:00.002-05:00

What to say about week 5…hmmmmm…I guess the shortest and most accurate thing to say is it kicked my ass (in a good way of course). I don’t think I’ve ever felt so many different emotions in one day than I have during week 5. Apparently it’s known as the week when everyone gets angry. We were asked by the shuttle driver (also a teacher) if we were a bunch of “emotional nubs” after week 5. I hadn’t really thought of it that way until then. That’s probably a more accurate statement. Getting my ass kicked was/is just the beginning. But!!! There are so many good things I learned and I think being constantly pushed beyond your limits is the only way to learn them. They have jacked up the heat and humidity. I often feel like the proverbial frog in the pot of boiling water. I’m not sure how this happens but one of my classmates lost her dreadlock one morning. It just fell off, the whole thing. She was holding it in her hand, sorrowfully looking at it, wondering how on earth it escaped. Being pushed doesn’t just mean insanely hot classes either. People get pushed because no one has ever told them what to do, and now they have no control. It could be the frustration of having to go up in front of 40 people and recite dialogue, freshly memorized the night before or early that morning, sometimes two or three times in one day, and go through the rollercoaster of panic, fear, humility, relief, and elation. For so many of us it’s missing loved ones and friends, or even familiar faces from home. I’m not a betting man (even in Vegas) but I’d gamble everyone has emotions from their past, deep deep emotions, manifesting themselves in different ways, which have to be recognized under stressful conditions.

At the end of the week, I finally realized something that is a constant theme throughout life. Before, I’d said that everything one needs to be happy is within themselves. We don’t need other people or material items to be who we are, to be our best, or to succeed. The answer that came to me in class is, as I perceive it, that which is within us is that which allows us to love ourselves and be strong in our darkest moments. It came when I was in Sivasana after yet another class I’d labeled as “the hardest class I’ve ever had”. I’d felt this before after intense classes at my home studio. It’s an intense rush of energy throughout your entire body, it’s your life force, and it’s alive, vibrant. It’s been awakened and its giving energy back, feeding all parts of your body, spirit, and mind, taking you beyond where you were 90 minutes ago. It gets stronger every time and stays longer and longer as each day passes. The realization I had is that this energy is within all of us, always there, always available to us, we just don’t harness it. Yoga teaches us how to tap into it, hold onto it, ride the wave. I’ll go so far as to say once one learns to consistently access it anytime they want it can cure illness, depression, solve complex problems, open one’s heart and eyes to the multitude of wonderful things that were once deemed ugly. In fact, we do this now without realizing it. There is a book called “Anatomy of an Illness”. The author was diagnosed with cancer and given a short time to live. He goes out and buys a bunch of comedies and watches them to cheer himself up. He laughs and laughs and laughs. His cancer went into remission. Through positive thinking, he changed his condition. As Bikram says, “Mind over the matter.”

This week has not just been about us. In fact, I think it has been more about those who we will teach. By recognizing our own pain on so many levels, we can be compassionate about the pain of others. We have all been falling apart. Break downs in class and posture clinic as the layers are peeled away and we see who we are, good and bad. Each class and each posture clinic it becomes more and more evident. We finished the standing series this week. As we blaze through the dialogue the focus is less on “us” being perfect and getting stuck in our head, and more on the people we are teaching and giving them the best experience possible, while encouraging them to push beyond their edge over and over. The mantra in posture clinic is, “It’s not about you, it’s about them.” That includes the days we walk in there feeling like crap, emotional, wrestling with ourselves, sore from class, frustrated, pissed off, weak, lacking confidence, or just plain blah. Rather than focus on how bad that makes us feel, we’re being taught to make these feelings our ally and use them to give life to our dialogue and class so we can share energy with our students. It’s a pretty amazing thing. I experienced it Thursday. I had said Triangle and Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee the day before. I had just studied Tree Pose and Toe Stand that night, had only practiced it once with a body, and was not confident about reciting it in front of everyone. Our panel of teachers that day was particularly tough. I was very intimidated by them. I didn’t want to go up in front of them for fear of being ripped apart. Something inside me said, “F!@# it! Just do it. You’ve got nothing to lose. When you get home, the people you teach don’t care if what you say is perfect. They aren’t going to clap for you. There isn’t going to be a support structure of 300 people there to back you up. It’s the real deal. They are paying and they expect you to deliver, so you better get used to the pressure, or at least learn not to be afraid of it.” As soon as I walked out and announced myself I was told I introduced myself incorrectly and to go back and try it again. I repeated this three times until I got it right. You know what? It helped me get my shit together. Coming into the class the right way sets a tone and you want your students to know you have it handled. I said both postures and as I awaited my fate the posture clinic leader said he enjoyed it. He wished he had feedback to give me, but there was really nothing he had to say. I was astonished, giddy, overwhelmed. It made my day. I had a similar experience on Monday night when we recited Balancing Stick. That evening we were in the lecture hall (tent). There is a stage and we recite dialogue with a headset. It’s a bit more nerve racking than being crammed into a hotel room with no stage or headset. I was second in line and who walks in? Bikram. Not just Bikram, but his right-hand man and woman (Minali and Dom) and a whole contingent of well dressed Indian people. He had talked about some famous Bollywod actors and directors coming to visit from India. For all I know it was them or visiting dignitaries. I got up there and stumbled my way through the introduction of the posture. The leader made me stop, take a breath, and start over. I did and as I got to the meat of the posture where you have to get very intense I went all out and gave it everything I had. Bikram’s response? He walked over, looked under my shorts, and said, “Yup boss, they’re still there.” I was told later by the posture clinic leader that Bikram told him he liked it and that’s the way the posture should be delivered. I was overwhelmed with joy and proud of myself.

Through all this I’ve learned something invaluable. No matter how you feel, you can take that energy, good or bad, and use it to do good. You have to make that choice though. Teaching Bikram Yoga enables one to give back to many by sharing of themselves no matter what the conditions. I know this is easy to say in hindsight. I also believe through practice it can become a good habit and positive characteristic. I don’t think I could harness this energy in the same positive, nurturing way sitting in a cubicle. That doesn’t mean I can’t do a good job sitting in cubicle while getting bombarded from ten different directions. It means that environment doesn’t welcome one to use their energy to the fullest because they are constantly fighting to maintain their energy to keep their head above water. Sometimes we must do what we have to do to survive and so be it. Personally, given the choice, I’d rather have people yelling at me and giving me the stink eye because I am pushing them in class. All of us who practice Bikram know in the back of our mind what we’re doing is good for us and if someone was not there to push us, we wouldn’t have as much faith to cross our comfort zone. How you try, struggle, and persevere in class is a direct correlation t how you will try, struggle, and persevere outside of class. If you don’t believe me, take one class, keep coming back, and watch how things change. If I had the funds, I would open a studio and charge nothing so that everyone can be encouraged to have this experience. Who knows, anything is possible. It very well may happen sooner than I think.

Dr. Mani Bhaumik, inventer of the world’s first excimer laser (now used for lasik) came and gave us an interesting talk about quantum physics and yoga. The guy is brilliant. He took the complex subject of quantum physics and simplified it so we can understand it, then intertwined it with karma yoga. It’s such a shame we only got 90 minutes of his time. I could have listened to him talk all day long. If you’re wondering how on earth quantum physics and yoga relate, let me throw out some tidbits from the lecture. Think of these both scientifically and philosophically.

- Everything in this universe comes from one single source.
- Everything looks so different but made of fundamentally two different particles.
- We’re held together by something more abstract, fields for example. Gravity holds us down, it’s abstract but real, we go along in our daily lives without thinking of its existence.
- Consciousness is like a field and we are tuners. Our brain tunes to a frequency, we can hear music or see a picture.
- When our mind is in tune, focused like a laser beam, then it can heal.
- Trying to find the truth? Don’t go to the person who has found the truth, go to the person who is still seeking the truth.

Speaking of Karma Yoga… We went out to a great Indian restaurant called Namaste very close to the Hilton. It’s hard to get around in Vegas without a car. There are plenty of taxis, but it’s not like NYC. We called a taxi and were waiting for a good 30 minutes. Finally the restaurant owner pulled up, let us all cram into his car, and he drove us back to the hotel. We tried to give him some gas money but he refused. I am so grateful for his kindness. We probably would have been waiting out there all night, or worse, had to have walked back. If you’re ever in Vegas, check them out. They have awesome mango lassis and great food.

We’ve had a lot of great visiting teachers this week. Unfortunately, I don’t remember all of their names. Of course, Diane Ducharme is a name I won’t forget. She taught two really great classes. Thursday night we had an intense and wonderful class with Jenna, a teacher from San Francisco. Friday morning’s class was one of the hardest classes I’ve had in awhile, possibly in the top three of classes as far as struggle and anguish goes. I woke up not feeling like going to class. My physical and mental gas tanks were empty, nothing but fumes if that. The class was brutally hot, the floor was burning my ass like I had eaten spicy Mexican food and had diarrhea. I was in a particularly hot area right by the podium where there is some dead air. Oddly enough, I thought I might get a little breeze there. I was wrong. It was kind of weird, the one thing that kept me going was being able to look into my own eyes. In doing so I was better able to visibly see I am fine and mentally reaffirm more solidly I am strong and I can keep going. The look I gave myself was one of “don’t quit, you can do this, just keep going, it will pass”. There is always a silver lining. Call it luck, call it serendipity, call it chance. I think Ganesh likes Hershey’s Krackle bars. You heard me, that’s right, Ganesh is a chocoholic. In posture clinic Friday afternoon someone gave me a bite size Krackle bar. I have a miniature lapis Ganesh statue I brought that sits next to me atop some books. I set the Krackle bar there, unknowingly. That night, there was a film crew from France in class. Bikram not only taught a powerful, uplifting, gentle class, he gave us the night off. The energy in the room could have taken out the power grid in Las Vegas. I attribute it to my accidental offering of a Krackle bar to Ganesh. In reality, I know it’s part of the process, but I still maintain Ganesh was pleased with the chocolate I accidentally provided. The week ended wonderfully. Saturday morning class was taught by Misha, who is on the staff. It was one of the most kick ass classes we’ve had yet. Her dialogue is not just perfect, she can say it clearly and quickly, and still have time to add funny and witty jokes. She is the only teacher, besides Bikram, Rajashree, and Emmy, who got a standing ovation. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room. The applause lasted for a good five minutes, starting on the floor, then everyone standing, and clapping as she tried to leave the room, but couldn’t because everyone in her path stopped to hug her. Misha rocks! I’ve had her a few times for posture clinic. She is tough, but she has fun, and is encouraging. She brings out the best in people.

Week 4 – Learning How To Be Comfortable When You’re Uncomfortable

2009-11-01T21:51:00.008-05:00

Pizza + Soda = Yogi Heaven

Mama Give Me Money or Shake What Your Mama Gave Ya?

Dance Party Bikram Yoga

Bikram and Me

This week’s focus…dialogue… dialogue… dialogue… dialogue… dialogue… dialogue… dialogue…

Time management is of the essence from here on out. I went shopping at Trader Joe’s for the week and focused on buying only those things that are quickly edible, portable, and quickly prepared. After some hindsight I realized my eating habits have changed pretty drastically. Back in NYC, I’d have a huge breakfast – orange or grapefruit and bagel with cream cheese, muffin, or egg whites in a wrap. Lunch would be a bag of frozen pasta or a microwaveable dish of Indian food. Dinner would be a ton of fruit, followed by stir fry, veggie burgers, or an entire bag of dumplings with milk and cookies for desert (I get very hungry after my evening Bikram class). Essentially, I was eating three huge meals.

Now I’m eating multiple small meals. Breakfast – banana, E3Live, and 1 Liter electrolytes and water. Lunch – a few slices of ham/turkey with chips and hummus or guacamole. Afternoon snack – cliff bar, trail mix, or dates and cashews. Dinner – cup of pasta, bowl of lentils, more turkey/ham/chips, or tomato/avocado with a Green Vibrance shake. Late night snack – Avocado/tomato, more slices of turkey or ham, more chips and dip, cookies. I reserve hotel dining for the weekends since it’s so expensive. We were given a card with a pre-set amount of money. In order to stretch out what was allocated, I’d have to spend $9 a day in the hotel. That will buy me a nasty frozen salad, a “sandwich” (basically two pieces of meat slapped together in a bun with no lettuce, tomato, or cheese), or a small pizza from pizza hut…for real. Eating in Vegas is more expensive than eating in NYC. To be fair, it’s because we’re in a hotel. A decent meal at the hotel diner (aka Paradise Café) is going to run minimum $11 and then another dollar or two for tip. OK, enough about the food situation. I digress. My point is, after eating the same thing over and over again it’s a treat to get a hot, freshly prepared meal on the weekend. When I really want a treat I’ll get sushi or go to the Chinese restaurant. There is a Benihana here and I assure you I’ll go there before I leave. I don’t care how cheesy and suburban people think it is.

Speaking of food!!! Bikram threw a huge pizza party for us Tuesday night. It was rockin’! They had to have ordered, I kid you not, over 100 pizzas from Papa John’s, at least 100 pizzas. We were swimming in sugar and fat. There were liters upon liters of Coke, Mountain Dew, Squirt, Hawaiian Punch, Sunkist, and Root Beer. There was dance music blaring in the lecture hall (tent). It was amazing to see 300+ yogis on a sugar and pizza high. It was a bit like a high school mixer. People breaking off into separate groups, social butterflies back slapping and glad handing, shy folks sitting by themselves or standing in a corner taking in the whole scene. A group of about 50 people made a pseudo dance floor in a corner. They had to move the picture of Bikram’s guru Bishnu Charan Ghosh (seated on an easel by the speakers) for fear it might get knocked down. I used to love clubs (I was a DJ very briefly as a side hobby) and I’ve never seen a group of people so entranced and enjoying themselves without the influence of drugs or alcohol. It was the epitome of good, clean fun. I don’t think too many people could have pulled off something like this. Then again…two classes a day of yoga, sleep deprivation, and dry/boring food for a few weeks will do that to people. In a sense you’re floating in a state of bliss. Then the pizza and soda comes, now you’re in nirvana…until you wake up the next morning. Holy shit! I felt like I had been hit by a truck. And I was stupid enough to have more pizza for lunch. I felt awful. I could smell the pepperoni and butter from the pizza crust during our evening class. I have to admit though, it was a lot of fun. And we watched an awesome Bollywood movie afterward - "Dil To Pagal Hai".

One aside about Bollywood movies. When I watch them, I get the same feeling I did as a kid when I would watch Silver Spoons with Ricky Schroeder. He had this wicked setup in his room, a choo choo train in the house, all kinds of cool stuff. He was the popular kid whom everyone loved and admired, he was always surrounded by friends, life’s problems were so easily solved, they came and went in a matter of minutes. Bollywood movies are the same, except they’re in Hindi, four hours long, and most confrontations and problems are solved with lots of dancing and singing. We could all learn a lesson from them.

I had a similar epiphany this week about teacher training during posture clinic. I think the world’s leaders and CEOs should all do Bikram Yoga Teacher Training. We would live in such a different world. I’m not saying this to you with stars in my eyes, daydreamy, far off in some bucolic setting. I say this from a place that is paradoxically chaotic and uniform at the same time. I’m speaking from a point of view that is very intense and lucid. We have people from all walks of life here; actors, doctors, lawyers, business owners, nurses, architects, artists, IT (yours truly), farmers, and plenty more seeing as how I’ve not gotten to really know all 300 people yet. The combination of physical duress doing two classes a day and mental fatigue (Bollywood movies, Mahabarat, posture clinic, studying dialogue and anatomy) really brings out our true selves. At least it’s starting to. We really see ourselves and others as they are here and learn consciously and unconsciously a tremendous amount about ourselves, others, and how people interact as a group and individuals.

Here’s how posture clinics work. Today’s posture is Standing Bow Pulling, you just said Standing Head to Knee the night before, you have 24 hours to memorize and present the next posture, improving based upon the critiques you were given. Sometimes, learning the posture is like learning how to recite a poem in another language with perfect inflection at the right moments. You have to do this between two classes and an afternoon lecture, plus still be able to eat, shower, and go to the bathroom somewhere in there. If you’re lucky, you get a 10 minute power nap. In the clinic itself, two groups are crammed into a hotel room with two posture clinic leaders (roughly 40 people), three people demonstrate and one person says the posture, after they finish and everyone finishes clapping (in this case snapping), the leaders critique the presentation of the dialogue. Once that’s done the person who presented goes up and becomes a demonstrator and another person gets up to recite. Let me just say I wish they would allow us to alternate the side of the body we use to demonstrate. My left knee, hamstring, calf muscle, and quadriceps are begging for relief. I cramped up in posted clinic the other knee after crossing my legs. You can start to see who takes themselves too seriously, who lacks confidence, who is frustrated, who is a perfectionist, who is caring, who is sweet and kind, and unfortunately those who don’t care at all and make excuses. It’s getting to the point where people are breaking down during the critiques. I feel for all of them and totally understand where they’re coming from. There is a lot of history that’s being unearthed here and it’s not always pretty or easy to handle. In addition we’re away from our families and loved ones and many of us aren’t sure what life will be like when we return. That’s a lot to deal with under so much pressure. But we deal with it and keep going. We are all here to support each other, one happy family. When the shit hits the fan, regardless of what you think of someone or what they think of you, there’s always compassion and tenderness available in all directions.

I had my own moment on Friday morning in class. It was my moment and uneventful. During the floor series when I did a sit-up, I noticed someone looking at us from outside, it looked like they were sitting down. I thought maybe it was someone who had missed class. When I did the next setup and turned around for the next posture I noticed it was a little girl to had her hands over her eye, faced close to the glass, trying to see through the foggy windows. Next to her was her father who looked to be pointing and explaining what we were doing. At that moment I was overwhelmed, for so many reasons, and cried.

It’s not all pain and agony though. As Bikram says (well, actually I think this goes back to the days of ancient Greece, but don’t tell him that, the man invented disco after all) “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Friday night we all dressed up in orange and black for Bikram’s class in honor of Halloween. After class, Bikram and Rajashree bought loads of candy and fruit. I had the best plum I’ve ever had in my life. Saturday morning class had everyone dressed up in all kinds of interesting costumes. I don’t know how some people practiced throughout class. One person made a dog costume for the upper part of the body, another person was spider man (with full mask), people had afro wigs, others were wearing funky hats. Bikram has another saying he uses frequently when someone is not making progress or refusing to try harder, “You born baby, live baby, die baby.” To that end, there was a contingent of people in the middle of the room wearing adult diapers. Some said born baby, others live baby, and of course the rest were die baby. From what I understand, the diapers are quite absorant. They managed to retain all the sweat and added a good 10 pounds to their bodyweight. My favorite was a girl dressed like Jim Kallett. Jim has an unforgettable series of tattoos on his body. They are tribal and reptilian in nature. On his back is a set of half “V”s with wings, one half on each side going vertically. This pattern extends to his legs and goes to the back of his knees. Jim usually wears a Kangool hat, grey ponytail sticking out the back. This girl made a grey pony tail and taped it to the back of a Kangool hat and replicated Jim’s tattoos with marker on her back and legs. Hands down she gets the prize for creativity.

Vegas had a bit of a cold spell this week. Temperatures were in the 60s, maybe even the 50s one day. So the classes were quite manageable. I will not complain because I know all good things must come to an end. Many people complained it was too cold. I have always been told to work harder if the room doesn’t feel hot enough. I always have and continue to do so. In working harder I found that a cooler room changes the practice from mental to physical. You’re now working with a stiffer body than what you’re used to in a blazing hot room where it feels like everything is melting and liquid. To take it a step further, I found this to be a good chance to explore and understand how new students and beginners feel when they walk into class, even if the room is 120 degrees. So understanding your body and getting it to do what you want without injuring it is an important lesson, especially when encouraging students to push harder beyond their edge. We had some awesome guest teachers this week. By far, my favorite is Mike Winter, who owns two studios in Houston. He taught two of our classes. He has such caring, gentle energy, and at the same time he gets you to push harder by somehow making sense of it all. He has an uncanny ability to get through the static and get through to 300 people, all of them struggling with different things. Natasha Milanovich from Vancouver Island taught a great class Friday morning. She owns a studio on Vancouver Island. She was hilarious and made the class fun. She was as punchy as the rest of us.

We had some very wise people in our posture clinics as well. My favorite person this week is Brad Koontz the owner of three studios in Boston. He was able to explain the dialogue, learning the dialogue, saying the dialogue, getting your students to hear the dialogue and do what you want, in the most minute detail. I seem to be getting better with my inflection and I am speaking louder. I’ve also noticed when I forget a line or screw up, I don’t back track or stop, I keep going. Once I even corrected myself without thinking about it. The one thing I am still struggling with is looking at the bodies. I still get very nervous each time I’m about to go up and present the dialogue. My heart starts racing, I start sweating, and my mouth gets dry. I’ve been doing some pranayama deep breathing before I go out to help me relax. Like I mentioned before, memorizing and just saying the dialogue is not good enough. Your students will fall asleep. You have to encourage them, project the words to their body, make them want to do the posture. That means a lot of excitement and variation in tone at just the right time. Saying and memorizing the dialogue in this way is challenging. Doing this while reading bodies is like juggling. Everything I need to know is in the bodies, so this shouldn’t really be that hard, but it is. Nonetheless, I know I can do it and it will just happen without me even thinking about it. It’s like the first time I learned to stop myself when I was riding a bike. I always used to use a curb to start and stop. Then one day I was out bike riding with my dad. There was a fire and a bunch of fire trucks. Without thinking I was able to stop in the middle of the street without even thinking about it, my mind was not thinking about all the reasons I couldn’t do it. It had to do it at that moment and it did. I didn’t even realize it until my dad pointed it out to me.

I had a breakthrough in Mike’s second class. I was peeing like crazy Thursday (I know, too much information, but this is Bikram Yoga Teacher Training) and I had gone like three or four times before class A LOT!!! I get into class and right before it’s about to begin I get another wave of having to pee like crazy. Mike’s putting the headset on and walking to the podium. There’s no escape. I don’t want to leave the room and have at least 90 minutes to go. I’m thinking to myself, “Will anyone know if I pee on my towel once we’re all good and sweaty? It’s just going to be water anyway.” I’m wondering if I need to escape what will be the best way out, will they even let me out? We start Pranayama Breathing (suck in your stomach) and I’m telling myself to focus, focus, focus and relax. Whew, made it through that one. Now Half Moon, OK, not so bad. Backward bending, I might be able to make it after all. Pada Hastasana (forward bend) oh man, I felt like I was squeezing my bladder and it actually burned a little bit. When I came up there was a bit of relief, but round two made it all the more difficult. Then there’s awkward pose, again, more sucking in your stomach. And the grandaddy, the one that twists all your reproductive organs, twists and wrings that part of the body like a sponge, Eagle Pose. That’s the warm up which lasts about 30 minutes. Next is our only official water break which we call “party time”. I sweat a lot and so I drink a lot, guzzle is more like it. I didn’t have a drop of water. Then something weird happened, I started to really get into a zone and meditate. I suddenly became very in tune with my body, especially my breathing, and I could feel myself shifting my weight just enough to hold all the balancing postures without falling. I think this is the first time I’ve ever done this. By the time we get to the stretching series I’ve guzzled a good bit of water before triangle. Not a drop this time. I was in so much disbelief and so proud of myself I rocked the rest of the standing series. For Sivasana, I’m usually one of the last people on the floor because I’m drinking a lot of water. This time I had a few sips and I was on the floor. I didn’t have any water throughout the floor series, I always drink before Fixed Firm, not this time. Finally, the class ended, I didn’t have to pee, and I drank a decent amount of water to replenish what I had lost. I’ve made it a goal to only drink water if I feel dehydrated or as if I’m about to cramp. I’ve learned that proper hydration before class is not just drinking a ton of water, it’s making sure you have enough vitamins and electrolytes as well. If you drink too much water, you can pee all of the important trace minerals out of your body that are required to carry you through class. I’ve been told one liter of electrolytes, then four liters of regular water throughout the day. Since I sweat like nobody’s business, I drink 1 liter of electrolytes before each class and try to drink at least a liter or two after each class. Prior to this I was drinking my electrolytes in class. My understanding is that this doesn’t do any good because it takes about an hour for the electrolytes to be absorbed into your system. Same goes for vitamins. You need them in your body when class starts, not when class is over. Prior to this experience I was constantly fixated on water, fruit, quenching my thirst, and agonizing over the fact it wasn’t really readily available, thus leading to panic and distracting me. I’ve shown myself I can survive a class on very little water as long as I am properly hydrated and focusing. I know to look out for the tell tale signs of dehydration such as headaches and dizziness.

So we’re onto week five, the end of which will mark the halfway point. I half scared and half excited to see what it brings. This is experience is such a roller coaster of emotions. And it’s not a day to day thing, it’s more like half hour to half hour. The body is changing quite rapidly as well. I was looking at my legs and knee in class Saturday and things just look different, I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror during my practice for almost a year-and-a-half and now am seeing drastic changes. I’m feeling changes in the postures too. For example, in Standing Bow Pulling pose my chin just automatically rests on my shoulder when I stretch my arm and fingertips toward the mirror. I used to have to struggle to get this. I’m able to shift my weight ever so slightly in eagle and the third part of awkward so that at just the right moment it feels like I’m not exerting any pressure at all on my body. I haven’t gotten to the point where they say you feel like you’re floating, but I imagine I’ll get there soon enough. Time to study more dialogue and anatomy, then get some sleep. Peace everyone!

Oh yeah! I almost forgot. Big shout out to “The Dude” at Trader Joe’s. This is how cool a place Trader Joe’s is. There is a movie (one of my favorites) called “The Big Lebowski”. The main character is “the dude” and he walks around in boxer shorts, a t-shirt, slippers, sunglasses, and a bathrobe. Yesterday when I went grocery shopping there was a guy dressed as “the dude” behind the cash register. I’d like to get a picture of “the dude” with our beloved Jersey City huggy bear (the guy dressed head to toe in a pink suit with a full length hot pink, fuzzy, tiger stripe coat) together.

Having Fun With Anatomy:

1. Openly display the digestive and urinary study guide while voraciously inhaling food and beverage at the breakfast counter in the hotel diner.
2. In the elevator turn to a guest and ask, “Do you think the sigmoid colon was named after an alien clone of Sigmund Freud?”
3. During a lecture bathroom break scream out, “My nephrons are working! My nephrons are working!”
4. Start a rumor that the latest fashion trend is called retroperitoneum.
5. Two words: Urethra Franklin
6. Ponder why there are so many obesity issues when bile is produced to digest fat.
7. Pretend like you are choking and when someone asks if your food went down the wrong tube respond, “Nooooooo. It went down the laryngopharynx. Duhhhh.”
8. Think of James Earl Jones when remembering the primary functions of the nasal sinuses (resonance and to lighten the skull).
9. What did the visceral pleurae say to the parietal pleurae? Are you serous?
10. Create a story board for a new children’s cartoon that teaches the respiratory system called “Alveoli and the Chipmunks”.
11. The anal canal makes the anus sound so romantic does it not?
12. Brag about your wonderful gastrointestinal doctors back home: Duodenum, Jejunum, and Ileum.
13. Gents, if you’re ever in the unfortunate situation of getting an erection in public, make a sad face and say, “I don’t know what to do. I’ve had issues with my endocrine glands since 6th grade.”
14. Go to a fancy French restaurant, stare intensely at the menu, very suspiciously ask, “Are your ducts exocrine? They shouldn’t be any other way.” If the waiter says, “One moment monsieur, let me ask the chef.” You’ve succeeded.
15. Casually have a discussion with yourself on your cell phone and pine about how much you miss the beautiful Islands of Langerhans.

Week 3 – Dr. T:Anatomy as Emmy:Pain

2009-10-25T18:02:00.003-04:00

Me, Sonya, and Dr. Frank Tripani

Emmy and Dr. T

Emmy telling me to move my knee back in Triangle Pose

Me and my roommate Greg

I’m sitting on my ischial tuberosities using my carpals, which are short bones, while my biceps brachii (skeletal muscles) and triceps brachii contract so I can type to you. This is possible because the bone in my hands is firm, while the cartilage is fibrous and flexible. Thankfully my quadriceps femoris, sartorious (also known as the tailor’s muscle), and hamstrings are no longer sore from the hundreds of Utkatasanas I’ve done this week. I’m waiting for my omlette so pretty soon I’ll be using my mandabal. Hopefully it will provide enough calcium and phosphorus to sustain good bone health. I doubt there is much Vitamin E, Omega 3 fatty acids, and selenium to prevent against platelet aggregation and thrombus, which could cause an infarct if the blockage is too large. Granted the eggs have cholesterol, but this is not the main cause of heart attacks, the main cause is blood clots. I’ve just had an epiphany that long bone growth occurs at the epihisys. My inferior vena cava is bringing blood back to my head from my abdomen.

This week has been all about pain and anatomy. Emmy Cleaves (Principal Teacher) taught all the morning classes this week and Dr. Frank Trapani gave most of the afternoon lectures regarding all things anatomy. Bikram was not here this week, so we’ve been able to get to bed by midnight. I was sick most of the week. Sunday night I barely slept. Both my roommate and I were up sneezing and coughing. A few times this week I woke up drenched, sheets soaking wet, and had to cover them with towels. Thankfully it passed on Thursday. I’m grateful to have had Echinacea and oil of oregano. I’m pretty sure the yoga helped too (all those lymphocytes battling antigens in my lymph nodes).

Emmy Cleaves has been practicing yoga with Bikram since 1973. She is (I think) 82 years old, speaks in a demanding, yet gentle and caring, German accent, and is the youngest, most powerful, and vibrant 82-year-old I’ve ever met. Emmy reminds me of an elegant countess who rules with an iron fist. She is the powerhouse of Bikram Yoga and I found her to be a voice of reason. She seemed to be in favor of eating right, getting sleep, going to the doctor if you have a torn ligament, and even seeing a psychologist if necessary. This is a bit of a deviation from what we were hearing last week, which was something along the lines of you don’t need to eat, sleep, or see a doctor because you do yoga. She doesn’t ask much - do the postures right and to the best of your ability. The catch is, when we think we’re doing them right, often we’re not. Emmy doesn’t stand on the podium and teach class. She walks around the room and sneaks up on you then (as she says) pokes her fingers in you to correct your posture. And trust me, you will know it when you’re doing the posture right instead of using old bad habits. I went up on stage to get corrections for my triangle pose. I walked off a few minutes later with a sore butt and achy hip joints. Emmy is a stickler for some postures, namely triangle pose and the sit-ups. I think on average we were in triangle two minutes each side for the first set. Standing head to knee and bow pulling pose seemed to last forever as well. For anyone not too familiar with the Bikram Yoga series, these are some of the most challenging postures to perform. Emmy is also a wealth of knowledge. I’d be surprised if we tapped 1% of what she knows. It was the perfect match to have her teaching while learning anatomy from Dr. T, because there were times his lectures crossed what Emmy was saying in class. Next to my mother and my girlfriend, Emmy might just be the next important and influential woman in my life. I’m sorry to see her leave. Her power, class, charm, and wisdom are unrivaled. I understand her yoga practiced is the same. She got into pigeon pose like she was walking in the park. I heard a story about Emmy in a class once. Emmy went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor, in a condescending tone, asked if she could touch her toes. Her response to the doctor, “With what?” It wouldn’t surprise me if she touched them with her nose.

As I was saying, Emmy holds the postures for quite awhile. Granted, it’s up to you how long you want to stay in the posture, most of the class keeps trying to gain strength and flexibility. I finally had a breakthrough in Standing Bow Pulling pose thanks to Emmy. We always hear to bring our body down, chest parallel to the floor. I know have a gauge to know if I’m doing it correctly. My hamstrings should hurt (a stretching pain, not a sharp, shooting pain). Often we’re stuck in the posture while Emmy is correcting someone, “No, no, no, you’re doing it all wrong. Aren’t you listening? I said push your hips forward. Listen to the dialogue for God’s sake. Forward I said! Is my accent that bad you can’t understand me when I say forward? There you go, that’s better.” Meanwhile, we’re all holding in the setup for triangle, leg bent at 90 degree angle, arms out to the side parallel, holding, and holding, wishing we could get into the posture. Then Emmy will say, “Get into the posture! What are you waiting for?” LOL This in combination with the posture clinics had my body hurting all over.

We said Backward Bending with Pada-Hastasana and all three parts of Awkward pose this week. After you are done reciting the dialogue, you go up and demonstrate the posture with two other people. Awkward pose has three parts - part 1 you sit down like you’re in a chair with your arms stretched out in front of you; part 2 standing on your toes as high as possible, arms still outstretched; part three a little on your toes, sitting down, knees together and in front, arms…still stretching forward. You can imagine how much this starts to hurt when people forget the dialogue and you are holding the posture. I got very lucky and didn’t have to hold too long when I was up there. We’re all going to have thighs of steel when we leave here. I received good feedback on my dialogue. Interestingly enough, I was told I wasn’t loud enough when I said Backward Bending and Pada-Hastasana. Since I was a kid I had always been told my voice carries and I’m loud. Not the case here. I’m sure it’s because I was nervous. My homework was to be louder, pause where there’s a comma, and enunciate words in bold. I had to say Awkward Pose on the stage with a microphone. For some reason this makes me more nervous than when I’m saying it in a hotel room with no microphone. I was told I did better for Awkward Pose, I was louder, showed a bit more inflection, but I need to look at the bodies more, not the floor, and to continue working on my pauses and enunciation. Next will be Eagle Pose, so when I practice, I practice with enunciation. I memorized a good bit of the dialogue before coming here. It’s different when you have to memorize it in a way where you will say it correctly. When you’re teaching a class, you can’t just say the dialogue, you will bore people to tears. There has to be power and excitement. You have to want to make people try harder and inspire them to push beyond their comfort zone.

We had a few visiting teachers this week. All were good and they kicked our ass. My favorite was John Salvatore. He’s from NYC and is currently living here in Las Vegas because he’s performing as a main character in Jersey Boys. I’ve heard stories about John’s classes and he did not disappoint. It was an intense class, but he made it funny. He is one of the funniest teachers I’ve ever had. He told a great story at the end of class. Bikram does not like the color green for many reasons and asks we not wear green in class. John had bought a pair of bright yellow and blue pinstripe shorts in the East Village that could turn on the lights in a yoga room. He decided to use them as a backup. One day he was going to class in training and someone pointed out he had a hole in his shorts. He went to the backups. In class it was the first time he touched his head to his knee in standing head to knee pose (a great feat!) and Bikram saw it. He started congratulating him and then said, “Oh noooooo. Boss. Why you have to ruin my day by wearing green?” John responded saying he thought they were yellow and blue, he didn’t know, it was a harmless mistake. Bikram responds, “Don’t you know yellow and blue make green?”

Next was Elizabeth Marshall who owns a studio in Lawrence, Kansas. I had Liz for one of my posture clinics and really like her. She encourages people to come out for mentoring after they graduate. She graduated teacher training in 2000. When she went she brought her 2 and 4 year olds with her!!! She has come back to every teacher training, 18 in total, since she’s graduated, to continue her learning process. She is very inspirational and encouraging. I really wanted an easy class Thursday night. I was starting to get tired and feel weak. When Manali said Liz was teaching I got excited. I figured, “Great! She’s going to teach a gentle class. She’s got to know we’re tired and sore. She feels for us.” Wrong. She whooped our ass Kansas style. Holy shit was I mistaken. She was calling everyone out, even teachers. She called me out in my triangle, but I totally appreciated it, because I love corrections. Now I turn my front foot out more and it makes a huge difference. The class was hot and the scene was quite similar to last Thursday where people were leaving to puke or had to be helped out of the room. I struggled and struggled… and struggled. Thankfully I made it through, but I had nothing left by the time the cobra series was over.

I’m learning wishful thinking doesn’t hold much weight here. It might even be a detriment. I was looking forward to a sooth Friday night class. Wrong again. David Buckner from Bikram Yoga Dallas taught what has been the hardest class for me yet. I almost didn’t make it through this one. It took everything I had to stay in the room and I had to come out of a couple postures early. David has a wonderful gift we all hope to have. He can say the dialogue, in its entirety, verbatim. That is truly wonderful, unless you are in a room that would make the devil himself run out of the room to use the sick bin. David not only said each and every word of the dialogue, he said them as slowly and concisely as possible. One thing made the room more unbearable than usual, the floor was hotter than its ever been. I can’t find the words to explain how unnaturally hot the floor got that night. I thought my heart was beating fast in the standing series. I laid down for Savasana (a resting posture) and it sped up because the floor was so damn hot! I spent the rest of class holding on for dear life just reminding myself to breathe and constantly reminding myself I have the strength to continue. The hard and impossible class I thought I had the night before was blown out of the water by David’s class. He told us a very inspiring story about a kid who walked into his class one day who was grossly overweight, had rheumatoid arthritis, and had been in such poor physical health he wasn’t allowed to participate in physical education class. He took his first class and started coming back five, six times a week almost immediately so he could compete in the Texas Regional Asana competition. He participated and did not place, but said he knew he could do better and would try harder. He stuck to his classes and went to visiting teacher posture clinics and seminars. He competed again the next year and got third place. Undeterred, he said he wanted to do better and kept at it every day until the next year he got first place in Texas and went onto the nationals where he came in second. Not satisfied and knowing he had more potential he kept practicing and trying harder and harder. Finally, this year he came in first nationally and second internationally. This person who refused to believe he had physical limitations beyond his control is Joseph Ensinia.

You can see him and others in the last Bishnu Charan Ghosh cup here - http://www.yogacup.com/

Saturday morning class was taught by one of the staff from the UK, Mark. Mark has really good energy. He comes off tough and has a wicked strong practice. He taught a great class. I think his half moon was the longest one we’ve had yet. It seemed like he said the dialogue twice for each side. One of things I liked about his class, other than the good energy, was that he taught to us in a way that reminded us how we should teach after we graduate. And not just as teachers, but also when we’re practicing, and outside of the yoga room. It was really nice to have that perspective.

So it’s time I study more anatomy and dialogue. Dr. T will still be here next week with his wife Sonya. They are a cute couple and they feel like family. I don’t know if it’s because he’s Italian or because they remind me of some of my relatives. Regardless of what anyone says, I love his jokes. They are thinking jokes and what makes them so great is they are clean. He tells most of these jokes to his bible study group. He has known Bikram since 1968 when he met him in Hawaii and has been with him ever since. He has a pretty interesting take on nutrition as well. Some people disagree with what he’s said, but I don’t think he’s too far off. I’d invite the skeptics to watch movies like “King Corn” or “Supersize Me” that show just what goes into our food and see exactly what they are eating. I’m impartial to an organic and healthy diet with little meat though. By the way, Dr. T is not a vegetarian, nor is his wife. They both also encourage everyone to be educated and not to get to a point where they go crazy over what they or their kids eat. I think he has our best interest in mind and wants us to see the other side we often don’t hear about on TV and radio.

It's hard to believe we’re 1/3 of the way there. Week 4 starts tomorrow so I best get cracking. I still haven’t found my camera. It must not have liked the heat and late nights and decided to wander the casino and gamble. Hopefully it’s in good hands. The pictures here are courtesy of friends who let me use their cameras or who took the pictures themselves. Thanks guys!!!

One more thing! Congratulations to everyone who competed in the NYC regionals today! I’m sure you all rocked it! I can’t wait to see it on You Tube!

This weeks quotes:

Sometimes your head is like a bad neighborhood and you have to stay out of there. - John Salvatore

Bend forward so the part of your head where you would wear a tiara is on the floor. Don't ask me how I know that. - John Salvatore

Sometimes you have to fall over to put yourself back together. - Liz Marshall

Yoga practice. Continue patiently, you have a lifetime of yoga ahead of you. - Emmy

You are a sum total of all the metabolic events in your life up to this point, reflected in your physiology. The nervous system is reflected in the physical body. - Emmy

The object is your body, not the posture. Spend more time changing your body to do the posture in the correct way. - Emmy

I feel like a voice in the wilderness every morning in triangle. I tell you push your hips forward and your upper body back. Nothing. - Emmy

Dr. T Jokes

Mr. Goldenblatt bought a new, top of the line hearing aid. He's telling his friend about it and how technologically advanced it is. His friend asks, "What kind is it?" Mr. Goldenblatt responds, "Quarter to twelve."

A married couple sits in the recovery room after the man has had surgery. He wakes up from the anaestheisa and says, "You're beautiful." A moment later his eyes open and close and he says, "You're cute." His wife asks, "What happened to beautiful?" The man replies, "The anaesthesia is wearing off."

Week 2- Operation successful, patient is dead, doctor is happy

2009-10-18T23:26:00.003-04:00

Week 1 seemed to go by slowly, week2 went by fast. The heat and humidity issue has been fixed. Classes this week were challenging. I found myself saying, “That’s the hardest class I’ve ever had.” on multiple occasions. The heat in the room comes from all directions, not just the forced air above but also from heaters underneath the floor. One teacher had her watch on the floor and burned herself when she picked it up. I am surprised at how quickly things got intense. Many of the people I know who thought it wasn’t hot before agree it’s plenty hot now. In general most of us are struggling more through class. There were a few instances where I thought I was going to puke. A couple times I found myself crying, sometimes due to fear or pain, other times due to accomplishment and happiness. I find that I have to keep pushing myself more because I feel less energy. Usually by the end of class I have nothing left and can barely do stretching pose. (In this posture you bring one leg out to the right, lock it out, bend forward, grab your toes, and touch your forehead to the knee. You repeat with the left side and then again with both feet in front of you.) More people are requiring assistance to leave the room or to throw up. One day in particular was intense. In the morning class a student, out of nowhere, let out a blood curdling scream. It was one of the most horrifying things I’ve heard. It took me a few postures to regain my composure. I know this is normal and it’s a release of negative energy. It just caught me off guard and scared me. Then evening class came…I can’t put it into words. All I can say is I am thankful I made it through class and was able to do each posture, no matter how sloppy and weak they may have been. By the end of Pranayama breathing (the first breathing exercise) my towel was soaked. I struggled harder than I’ve ever struggled in my life. At least that’s how it felt during that class. At one point Bikram stopped and asked if he should give us a 10 minute break to throw up since half the class had left the room. I won’t speculate about the temperature and humidity, but I heard teachers outside talking of Acapulco where the humidity was 96%. I was by a thermometer monitoring temperature/humidity. I’m not going to say what I saw because when I saw it, I was in disbelief and the only logical conclusion I had is that I was hallucinating. There is a method to all this madness. We have classes like this to remind ourselves what new students will feel like when they enter the room. Too often we forget our first class, this is a gentle reminder. There is also an upside to intense heat and humidity – you physically struggle less. Your limbs, joints, tendons, everything are so warmed up that you’re like spaghetti. The downside is pushing through mentally.

I’ve had one encounter with “mat rage” already. There is a series we do standing called stretching series. In this series of postures we take a three to four foot step on either side of the mat, depending on the posture. We’re in pretty close quarters. There are lines that run from one side of the tent to the other to form rows. The rule of thumb is one person is one the line and the other is in front of the line. You are supposed to do the opposite of what the person to your left does. So if the person to the left is on the line, I will step forward. It never fails someone gets confused and doesn’t step in the right direction. Such confusion is only natural since this is the last full series of postures (except for tree pose) of the standing series. It’s one of the most intense parts of class, the top of the mountain. I was having a hard class Monday morning and my foot was slipping like crazy in triangle pose (I’m going to forgo explaining this posture for now, I know it will come back later. I love this posture but find it comes at the most mentally and physically challenging part of the standing series). I was trying to tighten my abs and push my heel into the floor, but it just kept slipping. I had also moved forward and was hitting something with my foot, it felt like a yoga mat. When we changed out of the posture I found I was hitting my neighbor’s foot. Before I could muster an “I’m sorry” she snapped at me with an angry, disgusted face and said, “Move back!” All I could do was move back, get into the next posture, and shake my head. I thought of a quote I heard from another teacher training where a senior teacher said to the class, “Do you want to be perfect or do you want to be a good yoga teacher?” My angry neighbor has a killer strong practice, but the attitude was unnecessary. Thankfully the tension was gone by tree pose and never returned. The next evening I introduced myself and apologized for stepping on her foot. She also apologized and explained how she gets very focused and serious in her practice and sometimes comes off too serious.

This is a good example of Karma Yoga. We’ve been getting into this all week with Bikram in his lectures. This topic is broad and we haven’t even gotten to the iceberg, but here are some interesting things Bikram has taught us about Karma Yoga.

- Even if you can communicate with the worst person in the world they will like you. Change their thoughts, make them forget they are bad people, make everyone like you. More bad people who listen to you and you make them forget, that is the key to success. Prove you know something they don’t, they will depend on you.

- No excuse is a good excuse not to do your job. Try something different to make it work. Doctor never says, “From morning I deal with sick people.” Deal with them and make them hear you. Success is how you deal with people, in your behavior, they will miss you.

- Never lie, hold the mirror in front of their face, see what they are supposed to see, never compromise, always tell the truth even if person doesn’t like it.

- Ultimate destination in life is Karma Yoga. Just do your job, that’s why each person has their own specialty. You cannot take as long as you want to do Karma Yoga, there is a time limit.

One of our peers came up to speak about why she started practicing Bikram Yoga. She was in a car accident and had been pulled from the car seconds before it exploded. She ran down a long list of bones that were broken in her body as well as describing the many areas of her body that had been burned. She found Bikram Yoga and it helped her heal physically and mentally. She is an inspiration and has an unyielding positive attitude. Another person came up to say half moon and Bikram told her, “No breakfast, no lunch, and half a sandwich for dinner.” This is because of her weight. She explained to him she had an eating disorder and Bikram Yoga helped her overcome it and accept herself for who she is. She told him she refused to let him steal her peace. The room erupted in applause and support. This gained his respect for her. He used her as an example in class one day. He put her next to a guy who was rail thin to demonstrate how people who are heavy have naturally flexible bones and people who are skinny can be brittle and inflexible.

I’m really sore. It started in the beginning of the week when one of my back muscles cramped up when I was grocery shopping. I worked that out in Monday morning class, but found stiffness and pain started to slowly creep into other parts of my body. My thighs and quads are the worst. Pada Hastasana has become a most challenging posture for me. In this pose we bend our knees, grab our heels from behind with both hands, wrap our elbows behind our calves, pull and stretch our upper body to the floor, and try to lock both knees. In the end, the goal is to touch your head to your toes with both knees locked.

I spent most of the weekend sleeping. My roommate and I both have a dry cough. There are many other people I’ve heard coughing as well. It also doesn’t help when people bring a box of tissues to class and accumulate a pile of snot rags by the end of class. I always cover myself after class with a sweater and wool cap. I guess getting sick is unavoidable and as they say, “Part of the process.” I know Emmy is going to be here this week, I hope to be strong enough to endure her classes. If not, then it’s my time to learn humility. I’m going to focus on one thing at a time. As Wayne Dyer says, “Think small.” In teacher training this means one breath at a time. Bikram told a great story that illustrates this as well.

In the Bahagavad Gita the hero is Arjun. His charioteer is Lord Krishna. There is a story of Arjun as a child. He is part of a group of 20 other children, all of them with bow and arrows. They are all skilled archers. They can hit a moving bird without even looking. There is a tree one mile away from them with a wooden bird. The target itself is a piece of cake for them to hit. The teacher says they aren’t allowed to shoot until he tells them. One by one he goes down the line and asks each child what they see. They all respond the same, “A bird, a tree, the sky.”

Then he comes to Arjun who says, “A bird.”
“What else?” asks the teacher.
“An eye.”
“What color is the eye?”
“Red.”
“Shoot.”

At the risk of sounding too serious I’ll say this. I’m here to do a job. In my view, from where I’m sitting today, my job is to learn as much as possible about yoga (Bikram’s series in particular), my body, my “self”, and everyone around me. I’m starting to see very clearly some of the challenges a yoga teacher will face. Look at the many things that have happened this week. The story of the woman who was in a car accident, the girl who was teased about her weight, the person who found class unbearable and let out a scream that sent a wave of shock across the room, people vomiting, crying, angry. In order to do our job as a teacher we have to be able to lead and give of ourselves enough to encourage people to believe in themselves and push harder, while remaining calm and in control no matter what happens. In order to do this it comes down to the basic principles of our practice – focus, determination, and our favorite mantra “Lock the knee!” It also means having sympathy and understanding, being compassionate. This translates outside of the yoga room too.

Wait!!! I feel like I’ve been so negative and dramatic. It’s not all bad. There is so much good in all of this. As Bikram says, “When things are good don’t get too happy, because bad times are just around the corner. When things are bad, don’t get too sad because good times are just around the corner. Try to be happy and comfortable in the bad times.” And he delivered in spades on Friday night. The whole class was charged and energized. At the end he played a techno song off his Bikram Lounge CD. After a minute a good bit of the room was on their feet dancing. It was a site to behold. We’ve had so many great classes from other teachers like Ulysses from Mexico City. He is tough, but gentle, and knows the mind well. Lynn Whitlow is a great teacher too. She holds the postures long and makes sure we do them right, the end result is good energy. I always come away feeling refreshed and upbeat after her classes. Apparently not everyone agrees with me. One student wrote that she was Satan on someone’s Facebook wall. She happened to see it and called them out in class. The teachers are starting to plant the seed that we’re no longer students, we’re teachers. So as tough as the process may seem it’s normal and there’s a reason for it. We might not understand it now, but there is a reason, it’s best not to try and think about it or understand it while we’re in it. After two weeks, I understand I have no control over the heat, when I’m supposed to be somewhere, or where I’m supposed to be somewhere. The best thing to do is accept it and just be part of the process, go with the flow as they say.

See you next week. I lost my camera and hopefully will have it back to post pictures. Time to soak in some Epsom salt =) Prayers, good vibes, and positive wishes are always welcome =) Peace.

This week’s quotes from Bikram:

When you blow ashes fire comes out. This is Yoga.

Hollywood, we entertain the world. Bikram enterains Hollywood.

So many successfull people in life behave like they are nobody; so many people who haven't accomplished anything act like a hot shot.

Women have 90%, men have 10%. As soon as they realize men's limitation they can have a successful relationship. If they expect otherwise then good luck, you're in deep shit.

A yogi never goes to a funeral. Before they burn the body, I go in the middle of the night and jump on the body, "LOCK THE KNEE!" Won't let you into heaven if you're limping.

Mind is your slave or your best friend. Body and mind work together, perfect marriage, they can look at the soul.

Don't invite crocodile into your bedroom. It will not make love to you, it will eat you up piece by piece.

I complain and complain, now they're burning your balls and ass.

I almost forgot. Here is a list of the Bollywood movies we've seen so far:

Kahe Naa...Pyar Hai
Kal Ho Naa Ho
Jodhaa Akbar

I'm waiting to see this one =)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVuIBpJ6B4E&feature=player_embedded

Week 1 – Check, Check one…two…three… Hey boss lock the knee!

2009-10-12T01:39:00.009-04:00

Week one has been wonderful. In a nutshell, it has been a warm up and holding pattern. To me, it feels like they are getting our minds and bodies strong, preparing us for what is coming in the following eight weeks. There are things I’m doing in week one that I have never been able to do in my regular practice and I have no explanation for it. I can stretch further in stretching pose, hold longer in standing head to knee, go higher in cobra pose. That is…until Friday night. That was the official end of week one and it was remarkable to say the least. I’ve heard talk of the room temperature being way up there, but I won’t speculate. I will say this; when I got there the windows were steamed up and there was a huge smiley face, the floor was so hot it was burning my feet and felt like hot sand, it was probably the toughest class I’ve ever had. My heart was beating so hard in the floor series it was making ripples in my little lake of sweat. Jim Kallett’s class on Thursday night was pretty intense as well. The important thing is we all survived and tried our best.

I’m learning that passing out, getting dizzy to the point where you can’t move, and cramping has everything to do with hydration, replacing electrolytes, salt, sugar, and eating well. We’re getting lots of counsel on this from Bikram, Rajashree, the staff, and the nurse. I’m lucky to have a blender and electric teapot. I use a green powder full of good stuff called Green Vibrance. I drink two shakes a day. I mix it with soy milk, blueberry yogurt, a banana, honey, and ice. It’s really nice as breakfast and after class. This combined with the vegan multi vitamins I take and E3Live provide a good base. I make sure I’m dinking a ton of water and put elete (electrolytes) with lemon in my water. One of the foods we were told is really good for replenishment is dill pickles. I’m eating them like crazy. My roommate turned me onto avocado and honey. I’m also eating whatever I want when I want. I have had an uncontrollable appetite, I’m guessing a lot of it has to do with staying up until the wee hours of the morning and coming back hungry. I usually eat vegetarian with some fish. Since I’ve been here I’ve had a Reuben sandwich, cobb salad, and eggs with sausage. The latter made my stomach revolt, so I’m learning that everything is good in moderation (with the exception of locking the knee).

I got up and performed half moon posture for Bikram and 300 other fellow yogis/yoginis. I was pretty nervous, very nervous actually. I have to say, the staff has been great at calming us down. The general vibe is, if there were any place you would want to fall flat on your face, this is it. Jim Kallett gave a great example from his teacher training where a person in his group would nail the dialogue then get up to present and nothing would come out. At the end of training (it used to be 11 weeks) eight students were picked to teach class. This person was one of them and turned out to be a great teacher. What I noticed is that the focus was more on a person’s personality, how they interacted with the people doing the posture, and how much they reached out to them. I did OK. I was going along well enough and about 1/3 of the way through I suddenly froze and forgot what was next. My brain felt weird, it was almost like the feeling you get right before you go under for surgery. I snapped out of it and came back strong for the rest of the dialogue. Bikram said it was good and he knows I’ll do better as I go through the other postures because I’ll be paying attention to people and what they’re doing. I have to say the most incredible thing about Half Moon is listening to all the different people and styles. Especially those people who are from other countries or who have never spoken a word of English. Half Moon has to be presented in English, no matter where you're from. Birkam asked several people to say it in their mother tongue. We heard it in Hebrew, French, Spanish, Japanese, Mandarin, Thai, Italian, and Russian. It was awesome!

Spiritually there is way too much I’ve learned to write here and also to interpret. There are a few things I really want to share.

There are two types of people, those who think about emotion and those who feel emotion. The people who think often come off cold and distant, those who feel are overly emotional and tender. Thinkers do well in the strength postures, while feelers do well in the flexible postures. When practicing thinkers should focus on improving their flexibility, while feelers should practice their strength postures so they can see how strong they are. The end result is to have a balance between both.
In order to have balance in your life and truly be able to love the mind has to connect with the heart. As far as distance is concerned, it’s a matter of six inches between the brain and heart, so often it takes us six million miles to get there.
Whenever we want to quit and walk out it’s not really who we are, it’s the mind, it’s a tiny little thought. How can a tiny little thought encompass who we are? How can it inform us of who we are? We’re all part of something greater and divine that cannot be described in a single thought. Often times these thoughts disappear, they don’t exist, they aren’t real.

Everyone loves to hear some of Bikram’s off the wall quotes. I’ve found a lot more in the philosophical things he’s said, though he’s had me cracking up on more than one occasion. Once it was in cobra and I had to come out of the pose because I was laughing so hard. The story goes like this:

During half moon posture clinic a woman from Idaho gets up to present. Bikram asks here the largest potato she’s ever grown. She proceeds to tell him about russet potatoes. He says, “I don’t eat a lot of veggies and fruit, but I love potatoes. I eat chicken and potato, salmon and potato, everything with potato. No potato no Bikram.” There is a posture called cobra where you lie on your stomach with your hands to your side and elbows at a 90 degree angle. Using your lower back muscles you then lift your upper body off the floor while looking up at the ceiling. That day in class during cobra he says, “Where is the potato lady? Miss potato! Get your potatoes off the floor!” It was classic.

There are two things he’s said more than once that I really like.

“You have nothing to lose. Ask me why. (Why?) Because you never had anything to begin with.”

“Having something doesn’t mean anything if you don’t know how to use it.”

“Want to know how to be successful in life? Ask me how. (How?) Lock the knee.”

I used to wonder why there has been so much emphasis on locking the knee. I always looked at it from a physical aspect until I got here. Now it’s my mantra and it only gets better from there.

I hope to have more pictures next time. My camera isn’t too great when it comes to taking pictures where people are moving. And Bikram knows how to move. He danced for us one night and he has some snazzy dance steps. Week 2 begins and I’m off to bed to prepare. Peace everyone!

A Great Start

2009-10-06T01:58:00.003-04:00

I arrived in Vegas Saturday afternoon. Let me just say this…I know I’m supposed to be here. I feel lots of energy and excitement, a deep down gut feeling of this is right and all is well. Things got off to a good start. They called my name at the airport check-in counter and moved me from a seat in the middle to a window seat. Sweet! I love staring out windows with a view.

The hotel is really, really nice. The Hilton sign outside is vintage 60s, but don’t be deceived, the hotel is anything but vintage. The rooms are nice, the beds are comfy, the food isn’t bad, it’s a tad expensive though. A veggie burger, grapefruit juice, and glass of milk with cookies ran me $25!!! The veggie burger was huge with a gigantic piece of tofu, the cookies were awesome (soft and warm, melt in your mouth cookies), but definitely not worthy of the $25 price tag. The buffet is a little less expensive, but it’s still $20. Thankfully we have a fridge, so I hope to get some fellow yogis together and head to the grocery store. I went to both restaurants that have special menus for Bikram students (Fortuna and Paradise Café). They didn’t really have anything super vegetarian or vegan. Maybe they haven’t whipped those menus out yet. Dining is up to us during training. We have a card with a set sum of money. It’s not enough to sustain one meal a day at the buffet for nine weeks. I might be able to stretch it for a month or five weeks.

A couple interesting things about the Las Vegas Hilton I learned recently. The cab driver yesterday told me Elvis lived and performed here when the hotel was built in the 60s. There’s a statue of him out front. Howard Hughes also lived here. The hotel management felt he had worn out his welcome and tried to get him to leave. Rather than leave, Howard Hughes bought the hotel!

The yoga tent looks similar to the one in Palm Desert. Thankfully, we don’t have to walk through a casino to get to it. I’ve only had to go through the casino once to get to the buffet. That’s a good thing, because they allow smoking in the casino. There’s some major perks to staying here! We get free access to the spa! I hit the steam room and sauna, spent some time in the whirlpool too. It’s a small place, but very comfy. I don’t think it can hold 300 yogis =) I have to say the sauna/steam room experience is not what it used to be for me. It’s not like a Bikram class. What I mean by that is I didn’t feel energized when leaving, not even as relaxed as after a Bikram class. That being said, I wouldn’t want to attempt even Pranayama breathing in either the steam room or sauna. The sauna was around 170 degrees and the steam room had to be at least 150 degrees. Anyone who is interested in seeing a show gets 50% off, I don’t think we’ll have much time for that though. Friends and family get a discounted rate of $60 if they want to visit. I hope the hotel is providing big, fluffy towels for class. We’re being limited to one towel per class. I generate more sweat than there is water in the Colorado River during spring.

I have jet lag. I was dozing off at 10 PM last night and was up at 6:30 AM. I need half tortoise pose to help regulate my sleep/wake cycle. Our first class is today at 5 PM. In general, the vibe is good. We’re not near the strip, we’re closer to the other end of town near old Vegas. The energy is pretty subdued, not too crazy. There are tattoo and motorcycle conventions this weekend. In some ways I think this is a pretty good match for the start of teacher training. I’ve already shed blood in this town. I cut my finger on the back of the taxi cab license plate yesterday, I have a nice missing piece of flesh on my right forefinger knuckle (oddly enough it’s a perfect triangle), which should make Standing Separate Leg Stretching fun. I can see the monorail out of my back window. I wonder if that stops near any grocery stores. It will sure beat the cost of a taxi.

As odd as this might sound, this reminds of me being a kid at camp. I know there are many differences, I liken this experience to a bunch of people coming together, most who don’t know each other, all here for the same reason. The teachers and staff are the camp counselors. I think the students are the most important part of the training. We’re creating our own learning experience, sharing ideas and energy, and learning together. The people who surround you make this yoga the experience it is. Of course, the individual is the most important person in the room, since it’s their practice. At the same time it’s good to have people around, who have similar passions and beliefs, and I can’t wait to make lots of new friends.

Last night we had an awesome dinner banquet thrown for all the Bikram Yoga staff and teacher trainees. It was amazing! They had sushi, Chinese, Mexican, pasta, deserts, and a live band! Our table was right behind the boss himself. The highlight today was orientation. It was truly a pleasure to finally meet Rajashree. She is so kind and funny, but you know she means business. We also got to meet Bikram and Rajashree’s daughter who gave us encouraging words. Jim Kallett was also very inspiring. Shelly got up to speak and it was a pleasure listening to her as well. Lynn Whitlow also had many good things to say to help us get started. Everyone I met today was full of good energy. The room was full of excitement and smiling, happy faces =) I’ve met a lot of people today, all of them wonderful. My roommate is a great guy and as it turns out he’s also from NYC. We know some of the same teachers. I have a neighbor two doors down also from NYC who practices in Queens. I’ve met people from the UK and Malaysia as well as all over the US. Everyone is friendly and open and full of excitement. I can’t wait to take class with them tomorrow.

One of the messages I picked up in orientation is don’t think too much about what’s happening, don’t try to understand it, just let it happen. It’s weird, all the things I thought training would be, the fantasies and horrors my mind has created, don’t feel that way at all. Granted we haven’t started class yet, but I really feel things are going to be much different, much better than anything I had thought. So to that end, I’m going to try and stop thinking too much =) I won’t be blogging as much as I thought I would, my entries will probably be nothing more than a summary the end of each week, about that week. It’s mostly to keep the focus within, rather than without. At the same time, I want to share my experience with all my friends and family. This is a once in a lifetime event. I want to be in it as much as possible.

Today we had orientation with Bikram. He is hilarious, but he knows how to make a point. He may have his own way of doing it, but if you pay attention, it’s not hard to follow him. We had a great first class. I was very nervous, but I did well. Bikram was gentle and joked around a lot. They are still messing with the temperature and humidity, so the room was not unbearably hot. I imagine they will start cranking the heat as the week progresses. I kind of think the first class is gentle so he can see where everyone is in their practice. Personally, I can push harder and go more deeply when I’m not struggling with my mind in an intense class. I’ve always believed gentle classes show us how strong we are and that we should try to maintain that strength when classes get super hot (easier said than done). Sorry I don’t have any pictures of the boss. Every time I tried to take one they turned out blurry. Looking forward to tomorrow morning’s class with Rajashree!

Optimisim

2009-10-02T22:12:00.001-04:00

Ugh! Packing sucks =) I keep wondering if the TSA people are going to open my bag and say, “What the hell is this guy doing with a blender and a bunch of cutlery in his bag?" Then open my other bag and say, “What the…an electric tea maker, lots of incense, a stinky yoga mat!” I had to be careful how I packed. My empty Klean Kanteens could be misconstrued for something they aren’t, especially if placed the wrong way in the suitcase.

I’ve been saying goodbye to all the teachers whom I’ve practiced with and getting some last minute advice. I’ve gotten a lot of good suggestions. Anyone who’s going to training might be feeling the same way I feel – a combination of elation, disbelief, and anxiety (aka fear). I’ve been told this is normal and it’s what makes the first class so hard. Everyone is either nervous or they want to make a good first impression, either way it makes for a hot room with 300+ yogis full of nervous energy. To that end, I’ve been told to take it easy and just enjoy it, soak up every moment because this is a once in a lifetime experience. Even if you were to go back again, it will never be the same as your first experience. Try your best, work hard, but don’t be scared or be too hard on yourself if you have to take a knee or lie down. We all know what we’re getting into =) If we didn’t believe in what we’re doing we wouldn’t be doing it.

When things get tough, remember why you’re there. I’ve heard teachers will throw out this question. When I first heard it, I thought it was to cause doubt in the mind. I now know it’s to give confidence and remind us about the passion we all have for this practice. Last but not least, although we will hit walls and be broken down, the goal is to become a teacher, to be able to handle anything that comes at us in class – imagine teaching a double and each class is 40 or 50 people, all different personas, all with different reasons for practicing, all coming at you at one time. As a teacher we must lead and help our students, that is why training is tough, to teach us how to handle these situations. How many of us remember our first class in vivid detail? I know I was asking myself what on earth was I doing to myself and why don’t I just get up and leave. Although I still feel that way sometimes =) I doubt it’s the same level of intensity as my first class. I have a feeling I’m going to relive my first class a few times over in training to build empathy for new students. The staff and Bikram want us to succeed.

I’m off to Las Vegas tomorrow! I can’t believe it! It seems so unreal. I think it will really hit me when I get to orientation and meet my roommate. Today was kind of funny. I was coming back from class in the morning and had to get a new Metro card. The back of the card had one word – optimism. How cool is that? Then, on the subway, I saw a guy in a pink suit, with a pink hat, pink sunglasses, and a floor length, fuzzy, hot pink tiger coat. Granted, he may not know of Bikram, but I couldn’t help but think of two things right then and there – optimism and Bengali tiger strength =)

Peace everyone! I’ll see my fellow yogis on Sunday. I can’t wait to meet you all and practice with you! Everyone have a safe journey!

Change Is Good

2009-09-16T22:46:00.005-04:00

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do." -- Mark Twain

“The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.” -- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

"For all things difficult to acquire, the intelligent man works with perseverance." -- Lao Tzu

My decision to go to teacher training was clear, but it wasn’t an easy one. I’ve worked the past 10 years in the financial industry as an IT professional. Almost nine of them were spent at Lehman Brothers. In a nutshell, life was hard, but it was good. Long hours in a fast paced and stressful environment equaled security and good pay. As trying as it was, I was going to stay a little longer, and try to make a career there. Then, on the weekend of my 33rd birthday (coincidence?) the floor fell out and Lehman collapsed. This was in the midst of a huge life shift I was already wrestling to overcome. I took it as a sign, a time to change for the better. A path had been cleared for me.

Two years or so before Lehman’s collapse there was a growing urge within me to do something different, something that allowed me to help others, and utilize my creativity. I couldn’t figure out what it was or how I would do it. Looking back, my vision was obscured by more materialistic goals. It was through chance, serendipity, and perhaps even a higher power that I got the answer to my questions. I would have never thought it would be Yoga. I took a class many years ago in Brooklyn and the teacher huffed at me, a beginner taking his first class, because I couldn’t do shoulder stand. I guess the time wasn’t right =) I won’t rule out the possibility this is one step of many I am taking on my life journey. There’s no way to know where this will lead or what will happen. As Woody Allen once said, "You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans."

I found Yoga accidentally. I used to run and I was training for the NYC half marathon. I bought some personal training sessions at my gym. My trainer told me I had no agility, flexibility, or coordination and suggested I try Yoga. I took a class and my body loved it. I turned into a Yoga nut, I was doing it three or four hours a day. Within a couple months I was waking up with sun and practicing by myself at home. When I went to Las Vegas for my best friend’s wedding I couldn’t find a studio, except for one a bit far from the strip – Bikram Yoga Southwest. I’m glad my trainer was honest, otherwise I may have never tried Yoga. My first Bikram Yoga class was the best experience of my life. I became a new person that day.

When I first started practicing Bikram Yoga over a year ago I remember a little voice inside me saying, “This is kind of cool. I wouldn’t mind teaching. I get to have fun and help others learn about their body and themselves.” I started setting little goals like doing doubles (two classes in one day, sometimes back to back), going to advanced class, doing a 60 day challenge, going outside of my comfort zone by going to different studios, and participating in the Pennsylvania Regional Asana Competition after only a few months practicing Bikram Yoga (which got me to kick out during Standing Head To Knee Pose). The yoga started taking over my life and I let it because I love it and everything it does for me. I feel myself changing, becoming healthier, more positive, calmer.

Despite the fact classes are challenging (they’re meant to be that way) I was on fire and cutting through emotional and physical layers at breakneck speed. I had an exorcism at one point that left me bawling on my kitchen floor at 1 AM, shaking like a junkie going through withdrawal. I know such an experience sounds scary, but I learned something about myself, my body, my mind, and eventually life. We’re all here for a reason and we’re all on our own journey. Often times we’re too hard on ourselves, too critical, caring what others think, rather than caring for ourselves. I’m not ashamed to say this has been true for me. Throughout our lives we hit brick walls and rough spots, we’re beaten down and discouraged by ourselves and others, and we usually don’t address we suppress. Our bodies remember all of this, store it away like a database, and eventually it manifests itself as anger, depression, illness, low self esteem, any variation of pain you can imagine. It’s up to us to change and see things differently and I will be the first to admit this doesn’t come easy, but is a task worth undertaking.

Although there is uncertainty in my decision, there is just as much excitement that fills me with joy. Sometimes it overcomes me and I get tears in my eyes for no reason, other times I get scared. I know at the very least I am going to dive more deeply within myself and learn. I love to learn. A voyage of discovery where we'll learn more every day about ourselves and others sounds like one of the best learning experiences one can undertake. There are always moments of doubt, challenges, and points where stopping and turning around seem more than attractive. This test of will tells us who we are and makes us stronger. We find our weaknesses and accept them rather than fight them, treat them as a guide and friend, overcome barriers through a gentle, yet determined, disposition. It allows us to live more peacefully with each other because we don’t feel threatened.

Choosing to see the world with new eyes and a fresh perspective brings so much energy and excitement. Things are crisper, more lucid, my body feels light and agile, life seems simple, as if I’ve found all the answers. When new challenges arise and old ways of thinking enter the picture it’s like trying to break up a fight and pull two people away from each other. Old ways of thinking that have been ingrained for decades don’t go away overnight, only with perseverance, strong will, and a positive attitude. If I find myself questioning my decisions, worrying about success and failure, or I want to give up, I focus on these feelings, and do my best not to judge them or myself. If I find myself providing commentary, I immediately focus all my energy on the moment. Eventually, these feelings fade, kind of like a headache, and I realize what seemed to be reality was nothing more than a dream. They’re thoughts that don’t have any validity in the present moment. Diligence within presence increases time spans of being in the moment, which is the only place to be.

The Bhagavad Gita as well as many spiritual writers speak of service to others leading to enlightenment. Surely people can argue the subjectivity of “service to others”, though I doubt texts that encourage us to be of service to one another are saying we do so to profit ourselves or at the expense of others. That voice tugging at my soul a few years ago didn't get the feeling that my present position was allowing me to help others, or love myself. There is much work to be done in a more positive context. My Bikram Yoga practice is teaching me to have faith in who I am, to charge forward, and to face my fears. Recently I've learned if you love what you’re doing, you’re doing the right thing. Do what you love and do it well.

Finally!!! A Post =)

2009-08-30T22:08:00.006-04:00

The most unlikely things happen at the most unlikely times. I’ve had this blog up and running for at least a month and have been waiting for “the right time” to write something. A moment of clarity and literary genius that will set the tone and get things started so everything is just right. Today I decided last minute to stop at Barnes and Noble to get a copy of “The Shift”. My girlfriend and I had a particularly hot, but awesome Bikram Yoga class in the morning. She was hungry and I was thirsty. As we were waiting for the sandwich I picked up a copy of Writer’s Digest. I randomly opened it to an article with a sidebar that said, in so many words, writers who wait for inspiration to strike hardly ever write. The author went onto say some of his worst writing was done during moments of inspiration and some of his best during moments when he didn’t want to write at all. This prompted me to get off my ass and write my first post, no matter how long or short it may be. Just write something!

Here I am. Floating in a cyber sivasana, beginning a blog on what will become and what is my journey to, through, and out of Bikram Yoga teacher training. It starts in just over a month in Las Vegas. I realize Las Vegas may not be considered by many to be a very “yoga” type of place, but to me it’s special. It’s where I took my first Bikram Yoga class. I was there for my best friend’s wedding. At the time I practiced Vinyassa. Believe it or not, I couldn’t find a studio and the hotel wouldn’t let me use their room without an instructor (who was on vacation at the time). I had read about Bikram in a Mother Jones article and was a bit apprehensive.

In case you want to read it here is the link - http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2005/03/money-pose

It was the only studio I could find and I wanted to practice so badly I decided to give it a try. I hopped in a cab and headed to Bikram Yoga Southwest. The people there could not have been more supportive. Clearly I was terrified and worried. So many people went out of their way to help me and put me at ease. It was hot as hell and I couldn’t believe I was submitting myself to such torture, but I made it through class, everyone clapping to congratulate me. When I got out I could not believe how wonderful I felt. I was sweating like I had just taken a dive in a swimming pool, I loved it; the mental clarity, the peacefulness, everything, it may be the most profound and life changing moment in my life. I spent the rest of my time in Vegas doing Bikram Yoga and when I got back to NYC immediately found a studio, where I’ve been practicing for over a year. The owners and teachers are inspiring and nurturing, the students are driven and care about doing their best because they believe in their practice. You often hear excited conversations before and after class about any of the 26 postures. So many of us have experienced dramatic and wonderful changes that have transformed who we are.

For anyone who is not familiar with Bikram Yoga there are two breathing exercises, one at the beginning and one at the end, and 24 asanas, or postures, that build one upon the other to strengthen the entire body and mind through a 90 minute active meditation. Classes are in a hot and humid room. Depending on where you go, when you go, it can be anywhere from 105 degrees to 120 degrees, with 30% to 70% humidity.

Here is a great link to the postures and benefits of each posture - http://www.bikramyogabrooklyn.com/benefits.html

I am so inspired by how this yoga has changed my life, as well as the stories I hear from fellow yogis and yoginis about how it has changed their life. It has had such a profound and positive impact that I’ve decided to leave my job as an IT Professional in the financial industry to pursue a life learning, teaching, and practicing Bikram Yoga. First, I must go to training. Training is nine weeks and consists of two classes a day, posture clinics, lectures, anatomy classes, and memorization of the dialogue for all 26 postures. As one of my teachers put it, you’re in a yoga bubble. I’ve followed many blogs from the past three training sessions and have been inspired by the authors and their experiences. I will do everything I can to blog when I can. I have no idea what to expect and I kind of like it that way. There is one thing I am certain of when it comes to Bikram Yoga teacher training – only good things will come from this, no matter what happens. It’s something I’ve felt very deeply for a long time and still believe very strongly now. No matter how much I am put to the test and pushed beyond what I perceive as boundaries, and no matter what the outcome, good things are going to happen. I know it.

Finally!!! I have my first post. Whew, what a relief. Now I have to go back to studying dialogue. Before I go, there is one more thing I’d like to say. And that is Thank You to all the teachers and students I’ve practiced with since I’ve started. Every class is a learning experience and the people who surround you and guide you are as much a part of the experience as you, your mind, and your yoga mat.

Namaste.